I am a mum of 4. But don’t feel like I have done having kids yet. My family are so negative about how many kids I have already they pressured me into getting my tubes tied. Now I’m looking into IVF. I can’t imagine what they would say if I were to have another. I can’t throw out any of my baby stuff yet I just cry thinking about it . I can’t help feel like I want another baby or is it just something that you feel forever?
9 Replies
No, I don't think some people ever feel done. Regardless of that maternal drive, you do have to make a concious choice to stop at some point because simply having more and more babies can become reckless and irresponsible and even a detriment to children one already has.
I would suggest having some counselling before exploring the idea of IVF, just to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not doing it to fill an emotional void.
If you aren’t finished then don’t be. Stop listening to your family. If my family told me not to have anymore. I’d tell them to get stuffed.! If my family told me to get my tubes tied. I’d disown them. It’s none of their business. They don’t raise my kids or support them. They have no say. Unless your children at at high risk then it’s not their business.
If you strongly feel like another and its what your husband wants too then other people's opinions don't come into it. Just make sure you're not giving into instinct over common sense, many women fight off the urge for more children because of other reasons like mental health, the needs of other kids you have, finances, house size, career. Write up a pros and cons list it might help you see if you're wanting another baby just to satisfy maternal instincts while putting other things at risk or if it is really a good time to add another baby to your family.
Some people would have 1000 babies if they could.
I would have had more but financial and capacity reasons had to come first. If people are actively pressuring you to not have more kids, I think you need to deeply examine if you are coping with the children you have.
My family would have no opinion on if I had more kids or not, if I was actively managing financially, emotionally and physically and was stable and happy.
They would have a very strong opinion if I wasn’t.
I actively made the decision to let go of having more children. It was a decision to remind myself of my other goals in life, and that medically, financially it wasn’t a good idea.
You can learn to cope with not having more.
I think she needs to examine her family and how much say they have in her life. Unless she expects them to look after her kids daily or support her financially or her kids are at risk, then it’s none of their business. I have many family who think they have an input and say in my kids lives. Yet they never bother with my kids. Rarely spent a birthday with them or bothered. Don’t support me financially and never supported me. I have raised my kids on my own while my husband works his butt off to support us. My kids are very well looked after & have a great life. I certainly wouldn’t allow anyone to have a say in me, having my tubes tied. That would be entirely my decision.
Maybe you should see a therapist and talk to them? It may help. I think not feeling done can be a feeling that comes and goes, but if you're crying about it a lot I'd definitely see someone about it xx
I was like this for years but once I got to 39 I was like thank god I didn’t have another. I only have 3 but I did for a long time want 4. For many reasons I’m glad I stopped at 3 things are so much easier now they are getting older.
This is something only you can decide. does your family help with the kids you have now? Do you complain about money, or costs of living? maybe they see what you don't? maybe they are tired of helping and don't want to do it anymore. If you are 100% doing all of it with out any help, and can afford to support more kids well do it.
I love babies but also like working and being able to do things with my crew so 3 was it for me. I love being able to go to dinner, or pay for school camps etc with out habits worry if it's a bill i can pay on time. If i had more that would have been more of an issue. They get older and more expensive, branded clothes, mobile phones, laptops for school. So babies are beautiful but they grow up and you need to make sure the ones you have , are given the opportunities the world can offer. It's a big decision. But again only you know if you live babies (i do) or if you need more children.
I guess the missing info is why do your family think it’s such a bad idea?
I have three and my husbands parents were so against us having a third. They thought it was too expensive + hard work even though have never helped us etc. However we are financially well off with two paid off homes in a pricey part of sydney. So their concerns we unfounded.
Are their legitimate reasons your family don’t want You to have another baby?