Many years ago I got pregnant with a guy I barely knew. We ended up trying to make a go of things. When I was around 4 months pregnant, a letter came in the mail from another woman asking him to sign the birth certificate for her child. I had absolutely no idea! He refused to admit the child was his. It ended up in a court ordered paternity test which proved the baby was his. By this time, I’d given birth to our baby. He refused to take any responsibility for the other baby (6 months difference between her baby and mine). Our relationship ended not long after our child was born.
My child is now 12 and I always wonder about their sibling.
Even after all these years my ex has refused to acknowledge he has another child out there. It makes me sad. I always wonder if I should tell my child about their sibling? Or wait until their dad mentions it? If he ever does. My child speaks to their dad on the phone often. Visits in person aren’t frequent at all but I always wonder why someone could care about 1 child and not the other.
Should I keep the secret?
Do I tell my child the truth?
Do I tell my child the truth?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy, Kids
5 Replies
I'd talk to dad, and say regardless of him denying the child, that you feel the kids deserve to know one another. If he won't, go online, on FB pages and look for the mother. Say his new if U have too.
I’m sure he has more.he didn’t plan them and he doesn’t want the commitment, so just deny I guess.
No don’t keep the secret, but I also don’t think it’s your place to create a relationship.
To be honest, I feel like your child should've been told a lot sooner because twelve years have passed that neither of these kids can get back.
If my father had another child out there somewhere who was my age that he refused to acknowledge and I found out that my mother knew about it but didn't tell me, I'd be really hurt by that.
Hurt my mother kept something like that from me and hurt that my father essentially robbed me of a relationship with my sibling due to his selfishness.
Your child needs to know, ideally it should be Dad that tells them but if he won't you should. Then let your child take the lead on what's next - they may want to meet their sibling, they may not, they will probably have very mixed feelings etc.
My ex has a secret child too 🙄 the child’s only a secret because he didn’t want to have to pay child support so the mumma hooked up with another guy, moved states and got married and he (the new guy) signed the birth certificate - he knows he’s not the father and knows my ex is though.
I’ve told my children we have together, but in the past he just says ‘it’s not his kid’ even though photos the kids have found on Facebook show she’s a spitting imagine our daughter and his other eldest daughter.
The kids and I don’t talk to him about it anymore. But like I said they know her name and have found her on Facebook. She’s be 17 now.
We don’t contact her though, because we suspect she doesn’t know she’s not her ‘dads’ child, nor that she has 4 half siblings out there.
It’s hard that’s for sure 🥺