I have a daughter 13 who right now thinks its cool to do jome made tattoos. Cut n ink from pens. She has issues with cutting we are trying to combat but after her recent behaviour i have now found cut off phone charger cords in her room too. What is that? I have been advised by councillor to not be too hard due to the cutting with punishments and even with light punishments she flairs at me. She is obsessed with one friend in particular any threat to take her phone is a massive breakdown with i will kill myself threats. She takes things she knows are not hers and has a dont give a hoot attitude. Any advice? The house is on edge and im barely holding in there emmotionally. HELP
What the hell do i do? Sensitive details dont be harsh at me im doing all i can and following advice. Noone harder on myself than me already
What the hell do i do? Sensitive details dont be harsh at me im doing all i can and following advice. Noone harder on myself than me already
Posted in:
Mental Health, Behaviour, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
8 Replies
I know you have mentioned a counsellor but has she been to a GP to get a mental health plan and referral to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist?
Is there a Child and Youth Mental Health Service (CYAHMS) near you, that you can access?
Taking her phone is not a good idea...its access to her peer support. Taking it away will isolate her from that. I think instead of getting upset and punishing her to stop, try really hard to stay calm and explain that you're really concerned about possible infection caused by the homemade tattoos. Explain its putting her physical health at risk. She will think you're an idiot but plant that seed of concern. She'll probably google it later.
When I was a teenager, I used to self harm. And sure, dabbled in the some homemade body art.
But the self harm was particularly bad. My parents did not know how to handle it. They would take it so personally and project all their own issues and make me feel incredibly guilty that I was making them so upset, that it actually fuelled the cutting cycle. What I needed was stoic support. I needed my mum to just focus on me and not how much it was upsetting her (at least to my face).
I needed her to just take me to a psychiatrist and psychologist and not try and use them to validate she wasn't a bad mum and instead use them as a tool to diagnose and treat my mental illness. When she was involved in my treatment, it always felt like it was more about how it was impacting her than how unwell I was and Inqas a bad daughter for inflicting all this pain on her. So often I'd try very very hard and did very well at hiding it and my illness.
So my advice to you, as hard as it is (and I do have a teenager so I know it friggen sucks and you're emotionally drained and you basically have constant whiplash from their shifting moods🥴) but try really hard to remain stoic when it comes to her mental illness. And focus on her. But by all means, get yourself your own psychologist/support because you'll need it!!
It'll help you provide her the best of you and give you a place to vent how shit it is to go through. Xxxx all the best its a tough road.
Wow, that's another level! The worst I had with my teenager was her laying on the road after arguing with me. Not funny at the time but it is now. I honestly don't know how I would handle the tattoos! Are the phone cords plugged in or unplugged? I think the counsellors advice is wrong, self tattooing and whatever is happening with the cord is self harm. I think you need to take her phone and have a look at it. Try and get her extra help from a psychologist. Take her to a doctor and tell them what she is doing, she might need meds. Take anything away that can be used for tattoos. It is hard when the threat of suicide is there but at the same time you can't let this get worse than what it is. A bit of tough love is what is needed.
I think the person with personal experience as a teenager gave great advice.
I just want to add that as a parent of a high needs kid, you are going to need your own therapist. You need someone to help you process the trauma, so you can best help your kid.
If she threatens to kill herself ring 000 and they will take her to hospital. She needs professional help. A psychologist and on going support. You need to get her to a dr asap and get a care plan for a psychologist. I would def ring 000 if she says she will kill herself.
Sounds like the beginning of something like borderline personality disorder, I would skip the counselling and get a psychologist and potentially psychiatrist.
Serious professional intervention now could make a massive difference to her future life.
It also could be absolutely nothing, just a teen acting out, but you don’t mess around with this kind of behaviour with counsellors, go to professionals.
I was your daughter once, I had all these feelings that I didn't know what to do with. Take puberty, hormones and couple it with depression and it creates this shit storm!
I would suggest changing things up a bit, start working on a different type of relationship, spend heaps of time with her, have judgment free conversations. Support your daughter in finding healthy ways to let out all the bad stuff.
This will not last forever, its great you are sending her to counseling, sounds like you are doing ak amazing job ❤
Thank you all for your help. I have tried once to take her phone and next day found a 12 inch blade from kitchen in her room. 😳 i promptly gave her phone back! I am following all advice and thank you all for not stabbing at me. This is a living hell. We have tried mental health they refused to take her..yep that happened. I feel like i have failed her. Theres no trauma experianced its like boom ill cut today and there it was. Councillors etc can only do so much as miss 13 hates speaking about it. She talks a touch to me but i habe no clue what to say other than kiddo i love you. Anyway im following the responses and just wanted to say thank you