I don't know what I am searching for right now.
Other then some strength and advice.
I have been with my partner / father of my children for 10 years.
I have always felt things weren't right but my whole life hasn't been 'right.' The list is very long but overall I feel like hes narcissistic. I have tried to leave over 50 times, but always came back because of love bombing, because I was told 'its all your fault and your crazy' and I was scared to be alone.
As I am not perfect and understand everyone has their flaws I have continued to stay as over time some things have changed for the better.
Last year, I had surprise baby number 3. I was suffered from severe Hyperemisis throughout the pregnancy and then severe PND after having bub.
I went down the road if self help /self healing as I don't have any family support and seeing doctors & councillors don't work for me personally.
My eyes have been opened so much and I have been feeling so much better for the past 4 months.
I am feeling so strong, I am so calm and feel at peace.
I can see my flaws and imperfections with my action and either change them or accept them. Pending what they are.
My partner no longer works (he has worked a total of 1.5 years of our relationship- job hopping, he says he cant work as I am a mental case...).
He does not pay for anything (I have paid everything whenever he's not working).
He doesn't help around the house unless he's made me so upset that I break...
I have tried communicating things that make me upset and how we can work together but he says I am crazy.
I used to think I was, but I realise I am being walked all over by this man.
I need to leave, but he won't let me.
Due to everything, I have no family support so no where to go.
The lease is in mine and his name, despite me paying for everything.
When I ask him very kindly to leave, it just doesn't work.
I have had assistance from police previously but he manipulates them and says I have mental issues and then I stayed.
I don't know what to do. How to leave.
I am not in the financial position to go to a hotel while he leaves since I pay for everything.
I work very long hours in multiple jobs to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.
I am grateful that my situation isn't worse as there are people out there in worse situations.
But I can't continue struggling.
My son is mimicking his father's lazy behaviour and my daughter is telling me shes trying to change him to keep our family together and it is breaking my heart.
I love this man, but I need out.
3 Replies
Are there any DV services in your area? Police usually have the staying home, leaving violence support officers. Which means he leaves. He is gaslighting you and this is way more common than physical abuse. I finally left when I felt strong enough to and it sounds like you are ready. I would be reaching out to any local services I could. Even Centrelink social worker to be sure you are not eligible for some assistance to leave. I also know that Commonwealth bank were helping women at one point. Not sure of details. You could also contact your real estate about your situation, ask for help to relocate and see if it's possible to remove your name off the lease? If you have been a good tenant they may help you. Really the best option is a DV counsellor as they will be able to tell you about these services.
I once stayed for my children and then I left for them when I realised they would think this was normal. Please be careful thinking your son is like him. All kids can be lazy, some just don't grow out of it.
You say you love him but from your words it doesn't sound like he love you. He uses your mental health against you and he doesn't work to help support your family. He also doesn't contribute or help around the house.
You sound so strong now and just need to get some outside services to help get you out. You are basically doing it on your own anyway and we will do so much better for your family and yourself without him.
Contact some DV services and they will help you leave.
I was in a very similar situation. My ex was lazy. Was with him for 10 yrs, 3 kids, I was the one that worked. He worked a total of maybe 2 yrs in the whole 10yrs we were together. He smoked weed and spent his days fixing his cars instead of helping me or getting a paying job! He was also very aggressive and verbally abusive. Anyways, I finally had enough and left him but I’m thankful I have family support. My parents have helped me a lot. There are services u can get in touch with. You mentioned you have been in touch with the police. Ask them to get you in touch with services in your area that can help you. It sounds like he has an emotional and financial hold on you and it’s not fair to your kids and you. You deserve a partner in life, not a 4th ADULT child! Best of luck mumma. Xo