Hi folks
This is more if a what would you do situation, I'm very confused.
I'll give a backstory and I'll try to be as brief as I can. My ex-husband and I parted on good terms, and agreed that he needed to step up as a dad to our kids. The care arrangement began as I had them during the week, and he would have them on the weekends. He met someone new and asked that the care arrangement changed to week on, week off, which I agreed to. He got re-married and had some additions to his new family, and the care arrangement changed again to what it is now, which is 2 weeks with me, every 2nd weekend with the other family. If things change I try to let them know as soon as I can, and ask the same of the other household.
Recently the kids and I were in isolation, but came out of it with negative tests and no symptoms. The day the kids were meant to go back to their dads, I let him know about the isolation (which we were 3 days out of), the negative tests and lack of symptoms, as well as referring to the new government changes which were close contacts aren't required to isolate (pending symptoms etc). I sent a message hours before he was due to collect them/take over care, and received no reply.
Later that same evening I had several missed calls which I eventually returned, where he stated that he wasn't comfortable having them there at his house - even with negative tests that he had conducted (3 more tests). I had to go and get the kids and felt so bad for them because they just want to spend time time him.
It really felt like he just didn't want them there, seeing as there were negative tests, no symptoms and he hadnt seen them in about a month (due to me taking them on a holiday), and felt like he was trying to find excuses, in the end just saying that they weren't comfortable having them there.
The kids don't like it there, they've told me they basically stay in their room the whole 3 days they're there. I promised their dad I wouldn't take full care of them, he would always be able to see them but now seeing as this has happened, I'm unsure what my next step should be.
There aren't any court orders in place, only verbal agreements (I've tried to get a parenting plan signed but they keep changing it). I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want it to get messy because he earns a lot more than me and I feel like I can't win in a court.
If this was you, what would you do? Would you take on full time care of your kids or keep trying to send them to see their other parent knowing they're unhappy and not feeling welcome?
Thanks in advance.
4 Replies
Depends on the kids ages too. If they are only there one weekend out of three weeks (it was had to tell from your description), and the kids are young, I’d probably let things play out a bit longer (as long as the kids are safe).
If the kids are over 12, I’d let them decide if they want to go (courts will take what a child wants into account).
At the moment you both sound like you’ve been flexible with the time, so I’d be careful about not escalating things.
Maybe I’d contact him about having one weekend a month.
How old are your kids? If they are old enough just take it as it comes. If they want to go that's great, if they don't then it's fine.
I would honestly go and have a casual chat with him somewhere neutral.
If you don't feel comfortable saying that the kids don't want to go, maybe ask him for some input into a plan for the next 6 months of visitation just so you're both on the same page. Maybe encourage him to have them more often as you feel the kids need their Dad more at this stage of their life.
Depending on the kids age you, dad and the kids need to sit down so the kids can voice how they are feeling and then you need to give him a chance to sort it out, only having them a couple of days a fortnight is obviously not going to be ideal for his relationship with the kids.