Trigger warning sexual assault.
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So afew months ago i was sexually assaulted, according to the police. It only last 30mins but everything that happened was wrong!!
Why the fuck do i feel so embarrassed, disgusted, gross and weak.
It has taken me 4mths to report. Im so angry at myself for not reporting sooner which would of stopped, prevented someone else going through what i did......but worse (for them) if i said something earlier they would of not had to go through with it.
I read a article online at 8:30pm, about something that happened to me but it was another lady. 1st thing the next morning i went to police and reported that the same thing happened to me at the same location.
I dont even know what im asking.....im just feeling something i don't know what this feeling is........
Im mid/late 30's i see myself as strong,
Why didnt i stop it?
Im a adult as soon as it turned weird i should of flipped my shit!!
Why did i let him do what he did?
Why didnt i just sit up n punch him in the face like i make out i would of done "if that ever happened to me id do this or that" but i fucking didnt.....
At the time i kinda played it off as no big deal, i asked other people when they went to places like this did xyz happen......they said NO that not normal or typical you need to report it.
But i still felt like i couldnt because "i let it happen"
6 Replies
You didn’t let it happen. You froze and fear would have taken over. This is not your fault and you have done the right thing by reporting it. Can you please make sure you get professional help for this, through a psychologist. You poor girl. When you are placed in a situation like this, you never know how you react until you are in it. It’s awful you went through this. Keep strong and know you have done the right thing. It doesn’t matter how long it took you, you did it. You are another step towards justice for yourself and others this has happened to. This wasn’t your fault and there is nothing else you could have done.
You didn't "let it happen". It happened to you.
I work in the criminal industry, and I hear this all the time - that victims feel guilty, dirty, and at fault for not fighting. It's a freeze response and has nothing to with you being "weak". In fact, I count you as super strong for reporting it at all - 90% of victims don't.
Please get some counselling ASAP; start with 1800RESPECT, they can help or refer you from there.
Because fight or flight is not our only response. Freeze, or even Fawn are responses too. Fight might happen when not entirely traumatised so we might think we would do that, but pushed into a very serious, scary situation we don’t know what we would do, but freezing and just waiting for it to be over is common. I hope you’re getting the help you need to get through this x
I am so sorry you were sexually assaulted.
You did not let this happen!!! It was not your fault, none of it is your fault. This grub did it to you and to the other person.
Please look in to some counselling and maybe some self defence classes.
As a survivor the 'what ifs' are torture. Please stop attacking yourself. When we talk about fight, flight we often forget to talk about freeze, fawn etc. Which is outside of our control. Sometimes our mind tries to block it out afterwards as well to try to protect us. When we speak it, it becomes real. You may have been wanting to process what happened to you gradually as you felt able to cope. The other woman's story made you come forward because you were no longer the only victim and you did not want any more victims. You did not ask for any of this. It was not your fault. Your body and mind reacting the way it did is not your fault. There is only the perpetrator to blame. I repeat, not your fault. Wishing you comfort as you try to process what has happened to you x
You didn’t let it happen and our responses to being attacked aren’t something we can control. You do what you have to in the moment to survive. You not reporting isn’t why someone else got attacked. The responsibility lies solely with the predator. They are the problem. They are the one who chose to prey on other people. Get some counselling and forgive yourself.