I am at a loss! All of my daughters do a different sport - no one is pushed however we encourage our girls to try different activities until they find something they like! My eldest has a horse and loves riding, my second daughter is an amazing swimmer and does swim squad, my third daughter does ten pin bowling and is in a league, my fifth daughter does gymnastics (she’s 4) and my youngest has just started tiny toys dancing. My forth daughter refuses to really try anything! We’ve encouraged her to try soccer as she loves watching it, she’s tried swimming but would rather do handstands in the water, doesn’t like anything but her tablet really! How do I encourage her to try something else?
30 Replies
Get rid of her tablet for starters. She also could have an anxiety disorder. While you think she doesn’t want to do sports or anything, it could be for a reason and she doesn’t understand it’s anxiety. My son is exactly like this. He won’t do any sports or group things, because he is on the inside frozen with anxiety. No one would know because he just says he doesn’t want to do it.
Get rid of the tablet. My son doesn’t have one and he is 14 not a phone. I put him in a private one on one class of an activity that he enjoys, so is isnt with a big group of people, it worked so much better for him.
If you don’t take the tablet away at least do it until she can find her place and what she wants to do. Then she can get it back. Don’t push her but support her and get to the bottom of why she isn’t keen to do these things. Sport isn’t for everyone.
If she's doing handstands in water etc she's being active. Maybe encourage activity rather than something that involves perfectionist or competitive personal attributes. Or look outside of sport to another hobby.
Some kids just want to chill or have fun in their free time, these structured kind of activities don't suit all children.
What are her actual interests? You say her tablet but what specifically? Is she into the arty sort of games - you could try art classes, graphic design classes or coding (I know that's very popular and most public libraries run programs like this).
Is she into ticktoc and YouTube? Maybe she would enjoy music lessons, casual dance lessons or even have an eye for photography/cinematography.
Maybe something like Girl Guides or Scouts, that's more about friendship, comradery, life skills and being active. It could be the competitive nature of swimming and soccer she's not into.
Horse?
Maybe she isn't into sport. Try a different hobby. Music, art, writing, scouts/girl guides, cooking....
Its wonderful you're providing opportunities to your kids! She'll find her thing eventually.
Ok but why do they have to do sport? Not everyone is into sport and not everyone is into structured activities/lessons - does she enjoy nature/art/ creative writing/ acting, singing, music, jeez I don’t know there’s a million things that aren’t sport clubs.
Now I know being active is important, but if you want to encourage that then there are other ways for the less competitively inclined - rock climbing, paddle boarding, yoga, nature walks, cycling or scooting, tree climbing.
Ok so just for clarity all of our kids have bicycles as does hubby and I and number 4 is the only one who complains about going riding. We also have a swimming pool and she will go in the pool if the others go in but will never initiate going in. We also have a basketball ring and pop up soccer nets. As far as her tablet she plays games like cooking fever and music tile. She tried piano but refused to practice then said it was stupid when she struggled to learn. If I don’t ask her to do anything she will sit and watch TV all day. My children all help with cleaning and cooking as well as lunch box prep. The children all choose what they’d like to help with and she will always pick washing the fruit for lunch boxes or setting the table however even then sometimes it will just be placed on the table before she goes back to the tv. Occasionally she will tidy up after breakfast ( maybe once a month ) or put on a load of washing but it’s few and far between.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I have chosen to have our children and don’t expect then to do an abundance of help as it’s not their fault they are part of a big family. But I’d love for her to find something she’s truly interested in! Especially as she quite often says I don’t get to do anything, or complains if hubs or I buy something for one of the others activities that we never spend money on her. Would I be better off assigning her some chores and give her extra pocket money to spend?
It'd probably be helpful to mention how old she is.
I also think TV needs to stop being so readily available. Put some limits in place in terms of screen time because boredom is actually a really good motivator.
I think you’d be better off assigning her some free time and engage her interests. Screens availability can definitely prohibit that and she might need help with motivation at first. But surely as her mother you know her special interests? When she complains about the others getting, say “I’d love to do something for you, what you would like?” A trip to the botanical gardens? Local zoo? Become a wildlife carer? Do a painting class?
She is nearly 12
I think she struggles and you might be missing that. She isn’t tell you but more than likely struggles with social situations or sports. Take her out for a day alone and spend time with her. Have lunch and talk about what she would like to try, make a list. Take the technology away. Is she is anxious or anything she will hide behind it.
Thank you for the idea. I wouldn’t pick her as anxious but will definitely take her out and spend a day with her. She enjoys helping me do clothes shopping for the two youngest as she likes picking their clothes. By not having the three older than her it might help too as she can chat more openly!
Some kids simply are not sporty, and forcing them will only make the hate it more. How about instead of trying her to try something, you go bike riding with her, walk to dog, play back yard cricket, to help keep her active. No way in hell would my second youngest daughter (13) do sports out of school and I won't make her. My youngest son I had him do sport a little while ago (9) but he needed help with Ballance. Yet I have 2 very athletic children, who both do basketball (7 and 11) and have tired several sports since 3, and will give any sport a go. Just except her for being the child who isn't a sporty person
I don’t mind if she doesn’t want to try a sport however I would like her to show interest in something other than the tv or her tablet. She shows no interest in our dog or the horse and I’ve asked if she’d like to come walking with me and she always says no.
I hated being pushed to “try things”. I just wanted to have fun. My sister was into everything sporty, i would rather listen to music. I was desperate to learn guitar, but my family would rather spend thousands on different sports and equipment. I was told guitar is useless.
Maybe see if your child likes music, or playing an instrument? Maybe she/he doesn’t know what they want and shouldn’t be forced into something because everyone else is doing it.
Yes maybe they feel they’ve expressed what they want clearly and been clearly told no.
That’s how it seems. This child may want to do nothing, and that is perfectly fine. Not everyone wants to do stuff. Not everyone knows what they want to do all the time, especially kids.
I change my interests all the time
I’ve asked her numerous times what she would like to do and get told either watch tv, watch a movie or play her tablet. We have taken her to piano lessons when she asked to do them and she gave up after a few lessons as it was too hard. She did an art class for two lessons and didn’t want to go back because art is stupid - even though she asked to do them.
As in an above comment she tried piano but it was too hard! We would never force her to do anything she doesn’t want too. We are happy to support her in anything she wants to try however the only thing she wants is to watch tv, movies or play her tablet.
It just seems like your answer to anything is a lesson or club, and THAT is not her thing. Perhaps google introvert hobbies. I’m not saying she’s introverted but you’ll find lots of great ideas outside of structured classes or training.
Can’t you see, she doesn’t want to do structured classes.
I’m the same.
You know tv after school is highly recommended, it’s a good relaxing thing to do after a hard day.
As an introvert, being alone in my room, was my favourite past time.
Stop trying to schedule her, leave her be.
Yes! Give her the opportunity to develop some interests organically.
My son is really into TV, passionate about it actually but that interest has expanded into new interests like comic books, the Marvel franchise, anime and manga art. Currently he has an interest in Norse Mythology because he watched Thor, he then discovered that he finds ancient history really fascinating.
Some kids need the space and freedom to just do their own thing.
Also, you can enjoy things sometimes without becoming INTO it, you can float for things and you can just do things when you feel like for enjoyment - mastery does not have to be the goal.
Poor kid comes from a sporty family, doesn’t want to do it so there must be something wrong with her, I feel her.
Even as an adult, I’ve been in workplaces where they’re all sporty and ask why you don’t play sport.
Look at her interests and accept her for who she is.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with her. I just struggle to get her involved in anything. If she doesn’t want to play sport I actually don’t mind however I’d like her to actively do something sport, music, art, reading - anything really! Just something other than watching tv or throwing a patti because I’ve turned the tv off!
Not everyone is a “group” person.
As an introvert living in a house with so many people, she’s probably just wanting to chill.
So glad I only had one sister growing up, it wouldn’t have suited my personality growing up in a big family.
I know lots of kids thrive in it, but for me, it would have been a nightmare.
I have a similar boy 12yrs old.
Never really been into anything, has access to so many options. We are very outside people.
He likes going out for breakfast….thats his thing he likes to do so when our girl is at sport/art/what ever she has, him and I will visit a cafe, walk dogs and end with cafe or similar.
I racked my brain trying him to try things…He has honestly tried it all.
When he was in prep playing soccer he said to the coach- how about we get a ball each to play with (points to ball bag) then we don't have to try and play with one ball.
I have to remind myself of that because he isn’t competitive at all.
He does Capoeira and volleyball training for fitness.
I hated sports. I was just not into competing with others. I loved reading, would consume every book in the house. I loved being outside in the garden. I enjoyed cooking. I love fishing and camping. I love creative writing. My mother pushed me into netball. I played for her but it was horrible. Please let her be the non-sporty kid.
Maybe just let her be, stop trying to force her to do things she doesn't want to do . She doesn't like sport. Sobeit.
So we have had a big chat and she would like to try Girl Guides as she wants to try camping 🏕 so that’s what we will be trying. She also enjoys building Lego.
We have also started a chore chart for the girls to do the jobs around the house more evenly especially as washing fruit for the lunch bags is more of a job our 4 year old could do and she’s offered to clean out the horse stables once a week (she offered - it’s never been asked of any of the children as the horse is the eldest’s - none of the others have interest in the horses).
Thank you to everyone who suggested different things for her to try.
And for the record she was never pushed or forced into doing a sport. I just worried about her, as she never seemed to show interest in anything and seemed to be down a lot. I was just hoping to encourage her.