I an currently working two jobs and studying a Bachelor degree online. I have a 15 month old and he will be my only one due to the fact that I was never supposed to be able to conceive (he was my miracle). Lately I feel so guilty for not spending enough time with him and feel like I'm missing out on moments and time that I will never get back and willnever have again. How do I get past this feeling?
10 Replies
You have to make a choice. You really can’t do it all. ‘Being there and not missing things’ is a balancing act. Not many of us really want to be there for every single thing, but if we feel we’re missing out on too much too often then maybe you are. But somethings got to give. You can choose to live simpler or just ignore your financial situation in order to not work (they grow up it isn’t forever). Or on the flip side work and make the money for a good life, trust he’s getting good things out of the people he’s with as well as the quality time with you, and enjoy your holidays and down time together. There’s definitely something to be said for quality over quantity with time together and stress of lifestyle with children. Finding the right balance that sits right with you is also very unique to you and your values. Don’t be scared to make changes if what you’re doing isn’t working for you.
You have taken on all this, personally it’s not what would suit me. I couldn’t do it. You have to decide if you really need all 3 things or need to be in your sons life more. Life is precious and he is an amazing gift, don’t let these years pass you by with regret. Either defer uni until he’s at school, cut back a job. Do what it takes to not miss out of these previous years.
Precious
I have been a stay at home mum for 15 years, my kids are close in age and all teens now.
This is probably not a popular opinion but in my experience kids need your presence, support, supervision and financial stability so much more as they get older.
If I had my time again, I would have stayed in the workforce and gone to uni while they were little to build a better future rather than waiting till they were older to do all that because finding that balance with older kids is so bloody hard!
Your degree won't take forever to complete which means you won't need to work two jobs forever - you just have to trust that the sacrifices you're making now will benefit you both in the long run.
You're right, you can't get time back but it is also really important to account for your future as well, because you can't go back in time to do that either.
Of course, that's not to say toddlers don't need you at all and you should be making quality time with your son one of your priorities but you shouldn't feel guilty for working and studying.
But why work two jobs and study, single parent payment plus study payment, ftb, rent assistance, child care subsidy, and child support is enough to stay home, put child in daycare a few days a week, and study. I’d suggest looking at working only to make about 800 a fortnight, and you would be getting enough to live and having a nice balance.
It doesn't actually say she's a single mum, so she may not even be eligible for centrelink payments or she may not be entitled to enough to to live off.
She could be working two casual jobs that still only leaves her with minimal income.
We don't know her circumstances but I feel pretty confident that most parents who work two jobs are doing it out of necessity, not because they want to.
Entitled? To live off 600 a fortnight while she works one job, studies to improve her situation long term AND have a baby. entitled is not the right word.
She means entitled as in to be able to claim those benefits, not entitled as in she is being greedy.
I would cut the school for now.
I started doing my graduate studies when my son was 13 (not suggesting you wait that long) and it’s a breeze.
Maybe study when your child starts kindy?
You can have it all, just not at the same time.
Keep going !!
Your doing an amazing job, if you can cut down a few hours -
Do it.
If your uni degree is going to make a more comfortable living in the future- don’t give up!! Maybe cut down or skip a semester but don’t stop!!