Advice needed.
Partner and I have my 2 kids week on/week off with my ex.
His teenage son is with us fulltime 24/7. His 4 year old son we have every 2nd weekend plus one night every week for 5 hours.
4 year old is quite spoilt. Starting to affect my two who are saying they don’t want to come over if he is there.
My partner gives him lollies and treats every time he’s over in front of my boys. They’re made to give up their toys if he wants them. He actually screams to get his own way. He tells me he hates me and hates my house and hits and tells my kids he hates them.
He wont eat anything we cook for dinner so partner buys him nuggets and chips everytime. Fruit loops for breakfast and biscuits for snacks.
How do I deal with this. Starting to buy orally dislike him coming over.
He spends most of the time he’s over fighting, screaming or watching Netflix. He’s not made to play outside like a normal 4 year old.
Advice please!
Stepson advice
Stepson advice
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
7 Replies
Four year olds can be hard work anyway. They like to push boundaries. Throw in a dad who fills him up with sugar and you're bound to have a crap time. This isn't the kids fault. Hes 4. Dad needs to stop trying to be the cool fun one with the lollies and just be dad who wants to take him for bike ride, play outside, fishing etc
I wouldn't be putting up with this, I would be putting my foot down or leaving. I get that he's only 4 but your partner has no control at all at this age, his solution is giving him what he wants and this is going to get worse as he gets older because he's not even trying. His son won't change because why would he? He's got it pretty sweet right now. We have a rule in our house that all kids are treated the same, so if 4 year old is getting lollies and takeaway then the others should be getting it too. That's quite disgusting actually and this would have been dealt with a long time ago if it was our house! It might not seem like a big deal but playing favourites can really affect kids.
Typical Disney Dad.
Fills his kid with junk, indulges every whim even at the expense of other family members, allows crappy behaviour and won't discipline.
This usually happens because they have no actual parenting skills and someone else has to face the consequences of his shitty parenting so why worry.
I wouldn't stand for this at all. Changes would be made or I'd be out!
Bio Mum probably spends her whole time trying to undo it all only for him to come back a mess everytime. And I bet Dad says, "He is perfect at our house!". OP if you ever leave let bio Mum know what is going on when hes in Dads care, could probably even do it now.
Go out and let dad deal with him. It’s not much time, that’s probably one issue. that’s a shit diet that’s another issue. I understand wanting to spoil him and I understand treating him differently to the older ones, but you reap what you sew, you spoil him too much and he’ll turn wild . It doesn’t make them like you more, it makes them demanding, ungrateful and not nice. And it’s not their fault, they’re not the ones in charge.
Unless your rather decides to change his parenting philosophy nothing will change and you will loose your relationship with your kids.
I’d choose my own kids over this guy 1000 times over.
Time for a tough talk with your partner. If he doesn’t change his parenting, he needs to leave.
This sounds like my 4 year old. He won't eat anything other than nuggets and chips either. Snacks are chips and fruit.
It is hard and 4 is a hard age, especially trying to parent someone else's 4 year old for only a small amount of time. They do grow out of it.
My 4 year old isn't as bad with the sharing or screaming but he definitely has his moments when he is like this. I wouldn't call your SS spoil, he is away from his regular home that he is at for 12 days out of 14. That would be so hard at his age.
Don't be so hard on him.
Please remember that he is 4. He is still so little. He doesn't know how to regulate his feelings yet and when he comes to dad's house he isn't with his safe person (his mum). He obviously loves his dad but mum is his constant for 12 days out of 14.
Maybe try and do some outdoor activities on the weekends he comes. Take him to a playground or beach to wear him out. Do something outdoors with the whole family