Hi mum as looking for support not judgement on this one.
My son 2 almost 3 years attends childcare. Over the last few months he has been rough with other children. We have tried to manage this my encouraging gentle hands and reminding him to place nicely with other kids.
Today at pickup I was told by the centre manager that he was really misbehaving. He was not following instructions and has actually bitten another child. The manager said it was almost to the point where she was going to call me to come get him. She also said she doesn’t know if it’s normal toddler behaviour or something else.
I am completely devastated and heart broken. I feel like a complete failure. It has totally rocked me to the core.
He had a weekend with his cousins (all girls 10,3 and 1) and there where no problems he was really good this weekend.
How do I teach him this is not ok? I feel like what I have done so far has not worked.
I was talking to my husband about it (been in tears all afternoon) and he feel like the managers approach maybe wasn’t ideal.? What do you think? Like I said helpful suggestions and no mummy shaming. This mumma can’t take much more. Thanks mummas
Help.. this mumma is struggling
Help.. this mumma is struggling
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
9 Replies
I have a just gone 3yo who has been at daycare for around 6 months.
He has been bitten by another child, pushed off equipment etc but I see it as kids not knowing at this stage right from wrong.
My son likes to rough play with his sisters to the point of kicking, punching and biting which we always growl 'no' but sometimes doesn't understand.
I would say it's normal behaviours and no doubt has been done to him.
I feel the managers approach is a bit over board, he is 2.
Wouldn't know too many children who follow instructions unless it involves food.
But this is my opinion
What are the staff doing to manage the behaviour? He’s an age where it needs to be dealt with in the moment. You telling him to be gentle with his friends is great, and continue to do that at every drop off, but there’s no point in you disciplining him for it because he won’t understand why he is in trouble hours later. Are the staff documenting each time it happens? What is happening in the lead up? Are the other kids doing something to him first and he’s, essentially, retaliating out of frustration? Or is he just wanting a turn and being rough in an attempt to get a toy? If the staff are documenting they should be able to pinpoint if there is a common thread linking each incident. If it is possibly something more than normal toddler behaviour, that documentation will assist when you speak to your doctor about a possible diagnosis.
Ask to see their security footage so you can see for yourself what’s going on there. stop feeling shame, a two year olds behaviours is not a reflection on you. He’s 2. It’s a high expectation. I think what she was saying in her words were ‘I’m considering it could be something like adhd or extremely oppositional’ and was trying to plant the seed with you but she said it terribly, implying he’s not normal.
Seems like they need to build their connections and strategies, I would want to know exactly what their plan is and what they will try moving forward. He’s very young, he can’t tell you what’s going on there.
He is only a baby still, he is just learning his place and he doesn’t understand. He will get better as time goes on. Don’t stress, it’s normal stage for some kids. Remember he is still a baby. Child care should be encouraging him and I think she was out of line.
I don't the childcare is out of line, they are trying to suggest she get him assessed for something like Autism but they aren't allowed to say "we think your child is Autistic" they see so many kids they know what to look for better then most parents. It's worth following up as early intervention is so helpful.
Yes ok 2yo do bite but the childcare telling you they aren't sure if it's typical behaviour is their subtle way of suggesting there might be more going on. Like for example Autistic children can seem like they are aggressive and acting out when distressed and often find loud busy environments like childcare distressing. I would listen to what the childcare are trying to tell you and see a paediatrician. It isn't the end of the world it will make you able to learn to help him.
Oh mate! Take a breath its totally not your fault.
This is NORMAL behavior for 2 year old! I would be seriously questioning the managers credentials!
Is he getting enough attention from teachers? He's demonstrating behavior of a child who isn't feeling heard, they do things like bite because they don't have any other way to communicate.
My son has been bitten a few times at day care and he's bitten me a BUNCH, it has gotten better as he has learnt to verbalise his feelings.
Reading between the lines sounds like the centre are trying to tell you they have observed behaviour that isn't in line with the mainstream. They are not allowed to call out conditions as they are not trained on diagnostic outcomes. That said they are in thr front line with loads of kids. I don't think this was delivered with any real professionalism, so maybe book a meeting with the centre director and go in with question, ask other than biting (which is often a sign of frustration) what else is going on? are his language skills where they should be? is the noise and business of the centre stressing him out? is he an only who might w used to having undivided adult attention and isn't coping in this environment? anything is possible, but go in with questions and an open mind. If you are worried then book in with a paediatrician and get him checked out/assessed.
He is a little child. He is going to act out for a variety of reasons and perhaps the centre can keep a behaviour log. This means what was happening before and after the behaviour and they communicate this to you so any patterns can be recognised. Remember that he may have been hurt by another child there and I would be especially suspicious if the behaviour is not across environments. I am fed up with people being so quick to diagnose Autism when this is a thorough assessment and no the Centre staff are not at all qualified to diagnose it no matter what they observe! While some behaviour may be age appropriate, he may need a little more interaction and monitoring that that centre can provide. Do not let her shame you for one moment. Now I'm going to be blunt, sometimes they like to blame the child rather than admit there is a lack of supervision. They do not like anything to negatively reflect on their centre. Unfortunately you will keep coming across this attitude. I've dealt with a variety of educational settings, conduct assessments and sometimes the biggest challenge is the attitude of educators. If she's not there to help, assume she's there to hinder.