Im contemplating seriously fostering my niece and nephew.. Im finding the Child Safety system quite flawed and feel they are the reason my niece and nephew are not back home with their mum who has had quite a traumatic experience with both of the baby daddies who are no longer on scene due to extreme violence from one and the other has passed... The kids have been moved to at least three care homes in their small home town and are now out of town and been driving nearly an hour to and from school after the last carer pulled a knife on my niece, o I'm wondering what is the protocol when this happens... I've been approached to care for the children but am worried the system will fail in all the trauma the littles have been through, through no fault of their own and my sister is doing her best to get them home but I've been told by her that CS wants to extend care for another year... Her solicitor is pushing for the children to be returned home but the next best option would be to come live with me and my partner in another town which is further away .. Help.. Advice because I'm struggling to come to terms with all the trauma the little have been in a want to give them all our love in their own family setting.. Thanks for reading
9 Replies
The best thing for those children would be the stability of living with you - their family. However that’s only if you have the childrens best interest at heart, and I’m going to say that that could cost you your relationship with your sister. It might not be easy to say and do what’s best for the kids when you have their mother in your ear. The relationship will be stretched. Unless you plan on flouting the rules and following her wishes. It’ll be a difficult position to be in.
They would have been with me from the start I would not let any of my family go into foster care. One of my cousins had her children removed and my other cousin took all 6 kids in so they didn't get separated and there were a few of us willing to step up if that cousin couldn't do it.
I’d take the children, but you have to be super careful.
You need to follow CPS instructions to the letter. Don’t ruin the kids chance at stability to break rules that you think are unfair.
There is a reason that CPS is saying one more year and there maybe more that’s happened that you don’t know about. So you need to be prepared that your sister may not be following all there instructions which may mean you end up wth the kids longer and not having a good relationship with your sister.
Yes, I wouldn’t think twice about it.
Children absolutely do better in these scenarios when they can reside with a suitable family member.
I'd do it in a heartbeat for my niece if it were ever necessary.
I would definitely say that you shouldn't underestimate what it means to take all this on though and I also think you would need to prepare to have these kids long term. If reunification with mum happens, that'll be wonderful but if not you'll need to be ready for that.
It's also likely that your neice/nephew are going have more needs and challenging behaviours than typical children just due to the trauma they've endured. You'll need to be very involved in their schooling, they'll probably need various therapies and you will most likely need a high level of availability.
You have a lot to think about, I wish you all the very best and hopefully these beautiful children are soon on their way to some stability and healing.
I think you definitely should take them in if you are able to do so, and if you are able to cope with their behaviours.
As someone else said, you will have to follow CPS instructions 100%, even if you think they're wrong.
The thing is, reunification is always the hoped for outcome, however, it's likely your sister has done / allowed some pretty bad things to happen to these kids.
If CPS want them fostered for another year, they have a good reason for that, that you may not be aware of.
The easy answer is take the children, however you must be aware of what your requirements are. Talk to CPS (or whatever the department is in your state) to find out all the requirements on your behalf, including any contact with their mother, any concerns they have for the children, check what assistance you would get taking the children in, not only money wise but assistance with respite care, assistance with counselling for the children and you and your partner, ensure reunification is the ultimate goal. Make sure you can provide the care needed for the children. Ask for timelines where things are going, yes they might not tell you everything but better to ask and show your commitment to them and showing you want to be on the same page working towards the same goal. Don't tell the kids by this date you will be with your mum cause if that doesn't happen they will be disappointed. It's a big step to step up and take them on but yes ultimately being with family is better than being moved from home to home but make sure you can do it. Good luck!
If it was my sisters kids there would be no questions asked I would take them I would find a way and make it work no matter what
It makes me sad that you have to ask a bunch of strangers instead of just doing it. If it were my niece and nephew they would have never gone to the first foster home and yes I have taken in my niece and nephew before to help my sister out.