I have an almost 5yo who constantly makes me feel like I’m in an DV relationship.
His emotions are like a rollercoaster everyday. To the point where I play down his bad behaviour towards his sisters in order to avoid a conflict.
He can be sweet and caring but this is often for a short timeframe and anything can set him off. He’s often needy.
I guess I’m asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and what your experience might be. Should I seek professional help or is this just a stage that’ll pass?
He’s also particular at home about the food he eats (not at daycare), he’s also particular about the clothes he wears.
Not sure if it’s just a personality trait to be difficult or a genuine behavioural issue that we need to manage.
He’s also a middle child and I understand he’d have some struggles with that adjustment but this seems next level.
Just looking for suggestions or recommendations for those who may have been in a similar boat.
Thank you.
7 Replies
You play it down? You don’t advocate for your daughter or stop it from happening? You don’t have to create conflict to stop it from happening. You also don’t have to create conflict to have him fix up whatever mess he’s made. The best thing you can do is meet his big emotions with calm, but you do have to approach it. It can be done with kindness, but that has to be done.
It’s also ok to distract or steer to something else, or selectively ignore, he is only 5, but this has to be done selectively - not just to avoid his reaction.
I Wouldnt say he’s difficult, it does sound like he is struggling with big emotions, and struggling for control. Sensory sensitivity (food and clothes fussiness) can be connected to the body feeling heightened as well, it’s a way to try to regulate the nerves, by keeping those sensory things simple (even though it comes out by looking very fussy and difficult).
If you are looking for suggestions he could be autistic, then yes you'd need to see a paediatrician for a diagnosis..but even with a diagnosis, it'll be up to you to learn the the skills to parent you little boy. I suggest booking an appointment with a child psychologist too. You'd need a referral from your GP.
For the time being, let him be particular about his clothes and food. Don't fight it. Hes telling you hes uncomfortable so let him be comfortable.
Don't play down his behaviours with his sister. Thats not fare on her and she will resent you and her brother for never feeling heard or supported.
You sound exhausted though you poor thing. When does your little boy start school?
Are you out of a dv relationship? Kids can mimic what they’ve seen, or just regular kids behaviour trigger your DV senses. You can get yourself help for that.
I’d be seeking professional help asap.
First off I feel like I have to address the fact that you minimise his behaviour towards his sisters because it's easier.
That's gotta stop today!
You're teaching your son that there's minimal to no consequences for being a bully. You're teaching him that other people's boundaries don't matter and you're teaching him to make excuses.
That lack of accountability breeds abusive men!
You're also teaching your daughters not to make a fuss if boys treat them badly and you're downplaying their experiences so they're not actually learning healthy boundaries or at best they're learning that their boundaries can be overstepped to avoid conflict.
You are unintentionally disempowering your girls and conditioning them to tolerate abuse.
Now I've got that off my chest - it's time to get some professional help. Having him assessed would be a good start but I also think you need some healthier parenting strategies irrespective of any potential diagnosis, so I'd be looking into some parenting programs etc.
Seek help asap. It’s a long road so start now. Go go your gp and get a referral to a paediatrician or psychiatrist. My daughter has adhd/odd/anxiety and I always say it’s like being in an abusive relationship I can’t get out of. There will be ups and downs and don’t ever be afraid to try medication, it can be a life saver for you and your child. Good luck xx
Sounds just like my middle child at that age... he is 9 now and has really settled down. Definitely notice a difference with a routine.