So I am a mom of 3 (13, 10, 4.5 mon). My two oldest are from a previous relationship and my youngest is from my current. My bf and I started living together when baby was born. Our relationship was meh beforehand but progressively got worse after baby was born. We got into a very bad argument 3 weeks ago and we decided it be best if he moved out. Now everytime we talk it’s an argument. Doesn’t matter if it’s in person or on the phone. We can’t agree on anything. We do love each other and want to be together but just can’t see anyway out of the rut we are in.
He knows I have other children because they live with me full time. But, can’t seem to grasp the fact that I know how to have a newborn. Telling me this or that. Which drives me nuts!
I lost my insurance after baby was born and haven’t earned enough hours back at work to get it again so I haven’t had my depression/anxiety meds. I’ve explained it to him numerous times. But he uses it against me. He drinks and I have asked him to stop for 2 + years and he hasn’t. And I have used it against him.
How do we get out of our rut? Or stop trying to hurt each other?
7 Replies
Are you American? Just confused on the insurance thing...that is wrong that you can't get antidepressants. I think you did the right thing breaking it off with him, keep contact about the baby only and put some distance between you. It doesn't sound like things will ever be good between you if they weren't to begin with.
Yes, I am American. I had prenatal insurance during pregnancy and birth. But lost it after the 6 week period. At work we have to work so many hours per quarter to qualify for insurance. I can back in mid May so I didn’t qualify for that quarter and this quarter just started in July so I haven’t qualified for this one yet either. It’s a struggle.
I bet it is! We take things like that for granted, most prescription medications are capped here and then capped again for low income earners so nobody needs to go without something like antidepressants.
Omg how horrible. I pay nothing to see my dr to get the script and then it’s $10 for the medication. America sounds awful for health care.
One thing I noticed here - you mentioned that he's drives you nuts by constantly telling you how to manage the baby.
Perhaps he feels like he's not getting any input into how things are done?
Perhaps you're not allowing him the opportunity to do things for baby himself.
Maybe he's genuinely trying to be involved?
And I'm definitely not suggesting this is the case but maybe you're doing things he doesn't agree with or finds dangerous?
I mean, I have 3 kids but I still don't feel super confident with new born or like I know everything about newborns because I've had my own...
That aside -
I think maybe you need to work on your co-parenting relationship before you worry about your romantic relationship. Because if you guys can't successfully parent together, an actual relationship is never going to work.
His drinking is a problem and him using your mental health struggles against you is a problem, that especially shows a huge lack of respect. If those issues can't be resolved, you really need to ask yourself if being in a relationship with this man is in yours and your children's best interests.
You may well love each other but that's not enough to make a dysfunctional relationship work.
The first 12 months months after a child is hard for a couple in a healthy relationship but it can be extra difficult for a 'meh' relationship.
I would also suggest relationship or family counselling to work out how to co parent either together or separately.
It is okay to give your relationship a go to try and make it work but it is also okay to go your separate ways
Honestly you sound a bit controlling … “I know how to have a newborn”. Maybe he’s sick of you doing what you want for baby and he wants input because ITS HIS CHILD TOO!