Morning ladies,
I would like to know are my husband and I unreasonable,
My husband and I have a daughter each from previous relationships. My husbands 7 year old has been invited to a birthday party on Father’s Day and we have said no sorry we are not taking her as we have plans.
Now the mother is becoming un reasonable saying as a parent he needs to put her first and generally being horrible about him refusing to take her.
Just to be clear we have had plans with family for weeks we have organised lunch with extended family and just want to spend the day with family plus it gives my step daughter time with her cousins of similar age.
And normally he would not hesitate to take her but it’s Father’s Day and we have plans.
So I want to ask are we being horrible or what. I have spoken to family and friends they understand why we have said no but who else thinks we are in the right or wrong.
Just to be clear it’s at a centre from 11-2 so we couldn’t just take her down hour and it’s right when we are supposed to be doing lunch with family
Birthday party on fathers day
Birthday party on fathers day
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
13 Replies
If it were a party for like a close cousin or a best friend, I'd do my best to make that happen. My daughter and her best friend have been thick as theives since they were 4 years old so I know they'd each be devastated if they didn't/couldn't attend each other's birthday parties.
Otherwise, fathers day comes first. The party host has probably realised the fathers day/birthday party conflict and would likely understand that some people wouldn't be able to attend.
We miss out on some events in life, it's impossible to make it to every single party and kids do need to learn that (so do some adults apparently lol).
The mother is acting entitled. Father’s Day is a terrible day to have a party, as a parent I would know that most families have long standing plans for the day and booked the party for a different day.
I bet she is getting push back from every child that was invited.
I've been co parenting with my oldest daughter's dad for over 10 years. This sort of situation has happened before. My daughter is a teenager now so she decides. Like, this weekend is my week with her (her dad and I do alternative weeks as that's what our daughter wanted) her dad messaged her telling her that a couple of his friends are visiting this weekend and would she like to go up there after school if it's ok with me. I didn't mind as we had no plans. But she said no because she just wanted a relaxing weekend of watching Disney Plus. But obviously with your daughter being 7 it's not going to be like that for you just yet. As it's your husband's week (or weekend whatever) with her I believe you and him are in the right for saying no to the party. My ex and I have a few exceptions such as funerals, weddings etc but parties aren't one of them. Also 3 hours is a big chunk of your husband's father's day to miss. I would say no too.
It's up to him! Ignore her. Who organises a party on that day and expects everyone to go? A friend of mine accidentally organised her son's bday on mother's day, not many turned up but she blamed herself knowing it was a silly day to have a party! If the ex had anything to do with the organising of the party I would be questioning why she chose Father's Day as it could be she's trying to create drama.
The mother should say no sorry my daughter has plans and she should go with you if it’s your week. If the mother is that concerned then she can take her there herself.
Kids get sick of saying no sorry I have plans when the plans are ‘dads weekend’. Surely dad should parent on that time as well, it shouldn’t mean the kid has to say no to everything and everyone in their day to day life because it’s dads time as parent.
Some people don't get it, they haven't been through it, it's so easy for them to blame mum.
But mum's the one who has to tell the child they can't go and listen to the tears because the child would never do that in front of dad + step mum.
Mum gets all the hard stuff.
If it’s your time then it’s your day. Kids get over missing a party it’s really not that big a deal. Only exception would be if it’s their best friend, then 3 hours won’t ruin Your day and as parents you change plans to accomodate kids and friends plans sometimes too. Let’s face it we never want to go to a kids birthday party but it’s part of parenting, and not just the mums job.
I don’t think it being fathers day is an excuse as kids don’t need all day with their dad just because it’s fathers day, so I wonder if you went in a bit self-centred and that’s what’s ticked mum off.
Depends, is the party really important to the child?
Like a bestfriend?
Why is mum willing to die on this mountain?
Unless she's a perpetual trouble maker, she must have her reasons.
Have you asked the child about the party?
Can she just be dropped off?
Can you speak to the party mother and see if she is supervising and if its okay to drop and run?
Ask the daughter what she wants to do.
If you male her go to a family bbq she doesn't want to be at it she won't enjoy it anyway.
Maybe all the other girls in her class are going to the party and it's important to her to go?
Just take her thoughts and feelings into account as well
I don't agree with letting the child decide. Kids have to learn that family is more important than friends parties and that days like father's day, mother's day, Easter, immediate family birthdays, family weddings, Christmas and whatever else your family celebrates or have specific traditions for get priority over everything else. There's nothing wrong with learning that!
Do something first thing in the morning (presents or a yummy breakfast) and drop her off at the party. Family lunches with extended family means she won't be missing out on close 1 on 1 time with her dad. I'm sure 1 of you can drop her off and pick her up. I get that it's father's day, but there is no reason why she can't celebrate 2 special occasions on the same day. Your husband is an adult and capable of considering his daughter's social and emotional needs.
As a child of divorce, missing out on things like this was really damaging to my friendships and therefore happiness at school. The mum will be standing up for what is best for her daughter. I wish my mum had, but she knew it wouldn't help even if she did, so she just tried to pick up the pieces.
Ugh are your egos that fragile? Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are just more commercial bullshit holidays designed to make you spend money. Birthdays are more important Imo. You can do family lunches any time of the year, you only get one birthday for each age you are and it has a serious mental effect on kids when they have to keep saying no “because it’s my dads weekend”.
My niece and nephew now no longer have anything to do with their father because he would never allow them to go anywhere else on “his” time, and it got even worse when the stepmother stuck her nose in.
Also, you’re the stepmother, you don’t get a say.