Need some advice. I have 13yr old twin girls, their father just had a stint in jail for 8 months due to some dv. Not against us but against his new family. I’ve been asking them for weeks if they want to see him or talk to him for Father’s Day at least and they just say no, why would I want to do that? They’ve decided they are done and can’t condone his behaviour towards their step mother and her children.
We don’t have any court orders in place so I don’t have to send them, he hasn’t asked to have them since being out of jail 2 weeks ago but he will.
I’m unsure what to do, they are adamant about this and said I can’t make them go. Should I let them make this choice and let him take it to court if he wants access?
Children not wanting to see father
Children not wanting to see father
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
8 Replies
Yes why on earth would you even be asking them ‘at least’ to contact him. I feel you’re greatly underplaying the seriousness of this. Get the dvo sorted now. Call the wife if you need to to ask what she’s doing for her kids because you can probably do the same for yours. Otherwise call the police station and find out.
What DVO? She hasn't said anything at all about DV towards her, just the new wife. I seriously hope you meant to say "custody orders" and you're not suggesting she take out a fake DVO.
Let it go They sound like smart kids. Perhaps they could meet him for lunch and that’s it, if he asks if not they are old enough to make this choice but I do think you encouraging a relationship with their father is good. I think brief meetings with him would be healthy such a lunch or dinner . Keep it short but enough to be in their lives and some contact but limited.
Why would you want to encourage the relationship?
Your kids sounds smart! And they are right, you can’t force them, he can’t force them, and the courts won’t force them.
Don’t do anything,
Good on them, even if they didn't see the particular incident, I'm sure they have seen more than they should of.
Why would you force your children to see a violent person they don't want to see?
He will be very precarious right now. Integrating into society after a lengthier period of incarceration like he had is very difficult. If your girls aren't wanting to see him, their attitude if forced may trigger him. I'd be concerned for their safety if that happened.
Don't push things. They've made a decision and only a court can force them to see him. Personally, if courts did insist on visitation, I'd be suggesting counselling for them and him separately before having it together prior to visitation starting.
He hasn't asked so stop asking them, if he contacts they tell him they don't want to. What he does in terms of continuing to try is up to him, he's an adult and they are smart teenagers. Let it be and live your life with them. Hes now suffering consequences for his poor decisions.
You don’t do gaol in Aus for a first offence unless it’s very serious. So he’s either a repeat offender or did something off the richter! Good on the girls for seeing the light. Has he contacted them while inside? He made his bed.