My partners ex has just got in touch with me after kicking their 15 year old son out and saying she can have nothing further to do with him.
She said the reason was that he told his 4 year old brother to “suck my penis” continually and made other sexual comments.
My dilemma is he now lives with partner and I and our 3 other children. His 4 year old is also over every second weekend and shares a room with 15 year old.
Mentioned all of this to partner and he has suggested his ex is making up stories and wouldn’t have happened.he gets angry and abusive with me when I mention it. I have my doubts.
How do I deal with this? Ex is obviously in denial and I don’t want the possibility of anything happening to my children or to his 4 year old. Do I tell the mum of the 4 year old (behind partners back) what has been said?
Apparently 15 year old has been to counselling etc. will these people talk to me about this?
I don’t know what to do.
Advice please
Advice please
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
13 Replies
These are very serious allegations, it's possible that it's all bullshit but that's not a risk you can afford to take with 3 kids of your own living in this situation.
If I were in your position, I'd leave with my kids asap or have my partner and Mr 15 leave asap. I also wouldn't hesitate to report it if I felt there was real merit to the allegations and/or I believed Mr 4 to be in danger.
You've got some hard decisions to make here so I'm sending you lots of strength x
Sounds like the 15yo is mimicking his father...There's so much more happening here than a 15yo projecting his pain... A very difficult situation for you, and I'm sorry I don't have an answer other than remove yourself and your children. Leave the parents of the 15 and 4 yo to sort their shit out. Shared parenting is just so hard... Hugs to you.
Do not let them share a room. Say 15 is old enough that they need more of their own space and privacy. Taking this approach sounds like you are actually considering his feelings. The 15yr old may have not meant it as sexual e.g. go suck one or suck me off is almost like saying 'f off, you're annoying' in teen language. He may have gotten sick of not having his own space and not chosen a great method of showing it. I would not leave them all alone so basic protective behaviours but this boy may be looking for a safe place to land. Imagine the rejection he would be feeling right now and wearing those accusations especially if they aren't true, that would hurt so much. His father may be reacting out of feeling his son is being attacked. If you're gut is screaming he is not safe then fair enough but is his mother trustworthy?? Some women want to destroy relationships. I would trust my own judgement in this situation. I would also look into what the counsellor is working on e.g. positive sexuality. After saying all this though, his father needs to step up and do the work. This teen will be trying to figure out who he is. If his father is abusive then he is a crap role model.
If any of you have teenagers ask them if they say this, or how many times they hear it at school. It's like saying "Get fucked". It's not meant literally! It's said when someone's being annoying or when you get the better of someone. Mum of 4 and 3 stepkids from 15 to 23 and even my girl has said it lol. Is it gross, yep! Do I like it, nope. But that's what happens, teenagers have been coming up with their own sayings and words forever, it's how language evolves. I don't think it's fair to write this boy off just yet without knowing the context, seems like Dad knows and the Mum jumped the gun. Also if your partners 4 year old is the same 4 year old that he's been saying this to then why would mum be allowing him to still go if she thinks 15 year old is such a threat?
I also just looked in urban dictionary
Suck my dick - You don't care about that person or what they have to say
You need to protect your kids here first and foremost. Go and sit down with the ex and speak to her. If she is serious which I’m sure she is then your partner needs to wake up to himself and deal with it; it not they need to go. No all exes make stuff up and especially serious allegations like this. After all it is her son and she has children to protect. If anything your partner isn’t doing a great job as a father and protecter! I wouldn’t allow anyone to be around my children who have said such things.
Ask more about how it was said...I'm not saying this is an acceptable thing to say to a 4 year old if he wasn't meaning literally, because it's not a good thing to say at all! But before you go telling the other Mum that he might try to abuse her child and causing her extreme stress and withdrawing her child from any contact with her Dad (as most of us would) I think it would pay to find out if this was just a 15 year old being very inappropriate or if this was actually him trying to be sexual with his sibling....because the two are very, very different. If this child gets a reputation for being a kiddy fiddler when he's not, this could change his life forever. I'm not taking the mother's actions into this, I've known some mother's to put their own kids under a bus if they wanted so I will take that with a grain of salt. She could really just wanted him gone and tried to make mountains out of molehills to make it look justified, I have seen that as well especially when the new step parent doesn't like the child. Again, not assuming just asking you look deeper.
Yeah you can’t let this go on in your house, I would have to draw a line here and say this has to be in the open with every adult being informed and agreeing on the plan. It’s the only way to protect the kids and yourselves.
To everyone saying it’s just a saying - saying that to a four year old is absolutely disgusting and no poor four year old should be subjected to that in a bedroom with a 15 year old, it is sexual content and it would be terrifying.
THANK YOU 👏👏
Comprehension is really lacking here sometimes! It literally says in the post that these comments were being made continuously and there were other sexual comments made as well.
That's not just a teenager having a joke or not realising a commonly used phrase like "suck my penis" isn't an appropriate thing to say to a 4 year old (which I don't buy anyway) - it's a pattern of pretty alarming behaviour!
If I was the mother of that 4 year old and I was kept in the dark about all this, heads would roll when I found out. It actually makes me feel ill that this mother is still sending her child into this situation oblivious to what's going on.
The 15 year old definitely needs some help by the sounds and I genuinely hope he gets it but the safety and emotional well being of the other children needs to be accounted for first.
Why do they still have 4 year old sharing with 15 year old?
Probably because the father refuses to see that there's a problem. It says he gets defensive and abusive every time OP tries to discuss it 🤷♀️
100%. The internet is really unhelpful sometimes, as helpful as people are trying to be. Not taking this seriously and getting proper investigation and protection in place is totally unsafe.