Hi
My husband reported me to child protection and I was removed from the home and kids. I was drinking heavily and so it falls under neglect and I own that now. I've been to rehab and I'm now working on my mental health. My problem is child protection do not talk to me. They talk to my husband and he reports every little thing I do - which right now is all about getting help. E.g. they new I went to rehab and rang there to check. They know I've connected to support services so have rung them to check. I call so many times and email and no one ever calls me back. I just want to know how can I get my kids back iny life and I am prepared to follow their advice but how do I do that if they won't talk to me. I understand the system is overloaded but it has now been 7 weeks without contact with my kids. I'm taking steps to get better. I feel like I'm shut own and have been forever painted into the evil neglectful alcoholic mother. Does anyone have advice on how to navigate a system that ignores me? I miss my kids so much it's breaking my heart. đź’”
6 Replies
I’m just checking I have my facts correct. It’s been 7 weeks since you were removed from the home? If so, that’s a very short time in child protection and recovery terms. You have a very long way to go.
There focus will be on making sure dad is doing the right things so they don’t have to remove your kids from him. Your priority right now should be keeping them out of the foster care system and that’s where the social worker and your husband will be focused.
So keep working hard on yourself. Go to meetings, continue therapy. The best thing you can do is show a long term consistent recovery and that’s not 7 weeks.
You should get yourself some legal advice. Legal representation may come in handy later on.
When they do reintroduce the kids to you it will be in a systematic way. Supervised visits for short periods of time etc.
Seek legal advice and ask when they plan on getting a hearing/trial started.
Divorce your husband.
Yes. Absolutely. One wouldn't want to be married to someone who values the welfare of children above supporting an adult with a lifelong medical diagnosis associated with neglect and destructive behaviour.
Removing an adult from their home due to addiction related neglect is a strong indicator things were very dire. The OP needs to focus on sustainability of her recent treatment and develop some psychological strategies to manage stressors without relapse. Until then, there is too high a risk of exposing her children to more trauma.
If the husband and child services are monitoring the interventions the OP is accessing, they're ensuring that when contact might be able to be slowly reintroduced, that it is safe to do so.
Do you really think the husband did the wrong thing? She said it’s been 7 weeks since she was removed. She does not and will not have her condition under control at this point. She has a long journey ahead of her and she needs to do that without her children relying on her.
The husband is the only one who actually cares for the kids at this point. It wouldn’t have been easy to call child protection on the alcoholic mother.
This woman needs to sort her life out and not fuck up her kids with her problems.
I agree to seek legal advice, and also to divorce husband. The story is strange...for him to be there and only have contact with him and not her then he's told them he has separated and not letting her back....she's wasting time waiting to be "let back in". If OP is serious about seeing her kids again then yes she needs legal advice and to keep continuing the steps she has taken. She will be shut out of their lives if she waits for him to let her see them.
I think divorce is best and it doesn't mean that he is at fault. Alcoholism severely impacts upon relationships and family.
I wish my parents divorced. I would of had a much happier and stable childhood than living under one roof with a mother who prioritized her alcohol and when things fell apart, blamed everything else on others (including her children) minimising their trauma and making herself look the victim.
Doesn't matter who files, the relationship is not stable and she's been removed. Guaranteed if the father maintains the relationship, those kids will go into thr system.
He is protecting the children and she only cares about herself.
Seek legal advice, do some intensive self reflection and it's not about you anymore. You traumatised your kids, your relationship with them and you need to be respectful of boundaries and the process going forward.