Do men think it's only women who are meant to be parents
My partner constantly gets to go out places leaving me with both children
Don't get me wrong I love my kids with my whole heart but its like that's all I am is a a mother and a cleaner
I could never just leave and expect the other parents to just deal with it
I'm so so stressed even my periods have fucked up haven't had one in near two month but I'm stress bleeding on and off
I just feel so so alone even with everyone around me I'm just alone.
Ive made a decision to finally just tell him I'm doing something alone when he has time to look after the kids.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
12 Replies
You need to start making plans and tell him you have plans and he needs to be home to look after the kids. If he isn’t at work then there is no excuses to not work in with you. You need to start making plans for yourself. Many of us mums are in the same boat and feel the same way. There is also some fathers too. You have to start booking things in and stop allowing him to be so comfortable with doing what he does so frequently. Time to get busy outside of being a Mumma.
Yep. Make plans where you are out and he has the kids and family/couple time too. He needs to communicate with you .... but there is no issue with him having time away as long as it's balanced in some way
My ex used to do this and I just accepted it at the time but it is really selfish and disrespectful and shows that he doesn't care for you at all. He's treating you like the nanny and house maid. I wouldn't be planning an outing I would be planning me leaving.
My ex was the same, too. Nothing unusual for him to be out 4 or 5 nights a week, yet I couldn’t go to the toilet or shower without him or a toddler following me into the bathroom.
People will take advantage of the behaviour that you let them get away with.
If you want to go out and get time for yourself, tell him straight "I'm going out Friday night, you need to stay home with the kids"
If you want him home with you as a family, start insisting on it (within reason, maybe suggest he has Friday nights out, you have Saturday nights out etc).
A lot of people just plain don't have consideration for other people.
Men are rarely paternal
You are hanging around poor excuses for men then.
The word 'rarely' is true . It doesn't mean 'all' you condescending cunt.
Now I understand why you rarely hang out with men that are involved parents...
What vile language. This actually says a lot about you. Take a hard look at yourself. You are raising kids and come out with this language.. That word is awful and i really feel sorry for you. It’s not called for. I can only imagine how you speak in front of your kids 🥺
No, it is not all men.
My husband does everything around the house that I do. He parents and plays with our kids, the same as I do. We both get to go out and have me time away from the house and kids.
My MIL made sure her son was able to cook for himself and clean up after himself.
My father has always cooked and cleaned, so did my grandfather (dad's dad).
All 3 of my brothers do their fair share of the house work and parenting their children.
I have read so many of these posts about lazy dad's or lazy husband's/partners and for me, it wouldn't be worth staying in such a one sided relationship. I would be so much easier to raise kids alone than have a 80kg man child to clean up after as well.
I would start communicating with him. Parenting is a 50/50 thing. In our house we try to do things equal. Today my daughter was sick and even though I’m a teacher at the school she is at my husband left work and got her so I could work, I am taking tomorrow. We try to alternate so we’re not disappointing the other employer too much.
I go to gym 3 times a week and he cooks dinner while I’m there. On the weekends he goes fishing or something he wants. If one of us cooks the other washes the dishes.
Of corse at times it feels uneven and unfair but I just communicate with him that I’m overwhelmed and he steps up. I realised after way too long that expecting him to read my mind is stupid. Now I ask or tell him what I need and he jumps at it. He also does the same with me.