Mine and my partner's relationship is deteriating due to me basically being a cleaner and nanny to him and I'm only hanging on because of my step daughter I do absolutely everything for his child as well as my own whether that being bathing, cleaning, potty training etc he never does anything unless I argue with him then he'll start doing it for a day then I'm back to doing everything and as much I can't stand being in the relationship I don't want to leave my step daughter does that sound strange and if I say anything hes just so so muggy and is like well you don't have to do it but I have tried leaving everything a few days but nothing gets done and I feel so bad so I start doing it again Im stuck in a rotation ðŸ˜
14 Replies
You have to make the call. I don’t see how you can be happy long term in the relationship when you've been forced into the labour. So I just don’t think you can stay in a relationship you want out of, even if you adore the child.
Also, it’s ok to be selfish. He’s on a very good thing and he’s just not giving or coming to the party at all. You’re poor child is losing out on their mothers time as well as a potential step father that’s hands on and fun and cooks and cleans and all that with them.
Think I just feel bad if I leave and my stepchild is stuck with her dad because he hasn't a clue how to do anything himself he's alway been a mummy's boy and then moved in with me and now I do everything
Let him go back to mummy you need him out and tell the mother of the child
He’ll find someone else to do it all. You’ll be happy it’s not freaking you!
It’s time he learnt!
And this why I waited 12 months of dating before I met my partner's son, and then another year before I moved in with him (I'm sorry if this sounds judgy, I didn't mean it to be).
I felt that I needed to make sure that my partner and I were a sure thing before I got attached to his child, and I needed to know that he would step up and do the parenting and be 50/50 with housework and finances (I don't have or want kids - I certainly didn't want to become part time Mummy).
I think too many men out there just expect the woman to do it all, especially if you're a SAHM.
And then by the time you realise they're a lazy asshole, you're too far into it to just walk away easily.
It sounds like your daughter isn't his? That makes it easier to leave if you choose to.
The thing is, if you DO leave, he will take over parenting his daughter, because he just has no choice.
Maybe you need to go away for a few weeks, if that's feasible, and leave him and his daughter home alone.
If you're close with your family, maybe someone could invent an illness that requires you to go care for them for a while?
That might also give you space to think about your situation and make a decision on your future.
Why does this keep happening, men re couple so they’ve got a house maid and built in babysitter. Why are they so useless - please stop doing it.
A lot of men are maternally useless it's just a fact.
They’re not paternally useless though! Learning to care for a little human is not a gendered role!
They're not useless. In fact, they're excellent at deploying weaponised incompetence.
This is where they are deliberately incompetent (or just make no effort), so it's easier for you to do it yourself.
Our weapon is to not give in.
Imagine being so useless that someone stays with you out of pity for what you might do to (not do for) your own child. Disgusting.
Right?? I didn't know how to word it, but you said it perfectly.
I get this, I put up with it for longer because I loved the kids, in the end though I had to do what was right for me, its hard and you will miss her but she will be ok, his Mum will step back in and you deserve happiness