I am a mum of adult children. I have been asked by a very dear friend with a primary school aged child if I would consider being the child's guardian should anything ever happen to her (a godmother of sorts). My friend is in a long term defacto relationship with a man who has adult children from other relationships. My friends Child is not his child. The child refers to the partner's children as siblings and their children as neices and nephews. The partner is a great co-provider for my friend and her child and obviously loves my friend deeply, however is in my opinion a terrible role model and/father figure. The partner and child openly verbally argue, and fight with each other, he does nothing at all to engage with the child unless the child is doing something annoying or is required to do chores. The child openly says they hate the partner, and claims he is a bully. The child also is having issues with bullies at school including her "nieces". I have known the partner longer than my friend and it was he who introduced us, knowing we had many common interests and business ideas, and I feel his hands off parenting was probably a thing with his other children too. I feel torn and helpless to help. I would love to hear what other mums might do in this circumstance. My friend obviously trusts me with the future of her child but I fear if I say or do anything too much against the partner it would put our friendship in jeopardy. The fact this child feels unsafe (mentally) both at home and at school is just so very sad and disturbing to me, I am at a loss as to what to do.
3 Replies
You don't *do* anything. While you can advise the friend that her child is the priority and suggest she tell her partner to pull his head in. You can support the child if necessary if they confide in you. But you cannot make any changes to this situation nor can you impact on any behaviours of the other adults in this situation. While, as a parent myself, would show any partner the door if they treated my child like that, that's mum's decision to make.
It's nice that you're concerned for this girl but you have to learn when you're stepping over the line into other peoples personal lives. Unless you live with them or go to school with this child you can't possibly know what is going on to the point of being able to step in and fix it. This is the mother's job. It sounds like you're already an aunty figure to the girl so try taking her out sometimes or a sleepover every now and then, if she's being bullied at school and has no friends she will really appreciate that kind of relationship and gets her out if the house.
Say yes if you’d take the child in. Say no if you wouldn’t. Handle the man child if it ever comes up. You’d have a neglected child to care for and I think you’ll handle him just fine.