my 4 year old used to be the sweetest little guy, everyone would comment how empathetic and kind he was. he was cheeky, funny, loving etc etc.
but lately it's like a switch has flipped and he just winges and whines over EVERYTHING. I'm lucky that there's no tantrums or anything like that, just WHINING.
and the sound of the voice he puts on when whining just grates on my nerves so much.
this week has been particularly bad.
The slightest little thing will set him off and I'm so overwhelmed with him. he asks for a cereal, I get it for him then he whines that he didn't get toast. he asks for a juice then whines that it's not milk. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around a 4 yeah old. I don't give in to whining most of the time, because I don't want him to think that's how he gets what he wants, but sometimes I just want it to stop.
I obviously still see glimpses of my sweet son, but in between the winging :( He doesn't whinge and whine when his dad is home, which makes it even more frustrating. He's a daddy's boy, which I love for them but I can't help but to feel jealous, since I me and him used to be so close.
I'm also worried because it's his birthday coming up and I'm so worried he's going to winge and whine about his presents, his cake. I try so hard for birthdays, and I just want him to be happy. what kind of mother am I that I'm worried I can't make my own son happy?
can anyone with older kids tell me if this is normal 4 year old stuff and he'll grow out of it??
(also please no one suggest autism, ADHD, ODD etc. he's showing no signs of any of these things. It's literally JUST whining)
3 Replies
It's pretty typical 4 year old behaviour but you will need to nip it in the bud.
The best way to manage it is to not indulge the whining. It's not actually your job to bend over backwards to make him happy.
What I mean by that is if he asks for cereal then cracks it because he wants toast, don't go make him some toast. All that teaches him is that whining to get what he wants is super effective and it also teaches him that the time and effort you put into making the cereal means didly squat.
Whining is irritating but it's not a problem, the whining he will grow out of if you have firm boundaries. Giving into his every whim to avoid the whining is a problem because it perpetuates the whining and it also creates entitled children.
I also wonder if there's a level of boredom or under stimulation? I assume he'll start school next year? Does he go to daycare/kindy or playgroup?
Maybe just try and keep him busy and engaged with something so he is too distracted to whine.
Yes, completely normal. That's why we send them off to school shortly after 🤣 I would start by correcting him and reminding him of asking nicely. Then praise him when he does (positive reinforcement). Treat it like any behaviour you want to reduce. Increase positive praise for the good behaviour, correct and try to ignore the bad as much as possible. Do not get him what he wants as soon as he whines. Remind him to use his manners first. You can even set up a small reward system e.g. star stickers for remembering to use good manners. Good luck mumma ;)
Yes they go through this part where they just can’t be pleased. Apparently it’s a developmental step to independence. Perhaps involve him more and make him more hands on with the jobs. But mine would still get frustrated and want this but that and not that until we’re all stressed. Try not to match their energy with frustration levels. Just put it away and come back to it later.
Also to be aware, kids this age whine when they are unwell. They’re not old enough to describe constipation pains or heartburn or growing pains, they just feel cranky and tired and it comes out as whinging. This is how I monitored my childs asthma at this age. You can try making sure they’re not hungry - offer snacks, water, check when they did a poo, are they tired, if they wake tired and grumpy then somethings probably going on with their sleep/nighttime’s and do they want a cuddle and finally a sit down and relax together.