Why do men get to decide when they’re a parent or not? Women are expected to bend over backwards to make shit work but men think it’s okay to excuse themselves from doing something if it’s “too difficult”.
Example.
Both my husband and I just got a new job, he doesn’t know his schedule yet, but it’s a good chance it won’t start nearly as early as mine. In order for me to get my toddler up and out the door and to daycare, I’m waking up at 3:30 am. When I mentioned to my husband about him dropping her off he says “oh well idk… maybe.. that would be pretty difficult” yet he’s traveling in the same exact direction, just most LIKELY later.
Men are ridiculous. He’s a good father, but I don’t know what makes men think it’s okay to put their children on their partners.
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10 Replies
My ex expected me to change my entire working hours to drop our daughter off to kindy during HIS time as well as mine. When I said no I'm not doing that and he can change his work hours during his time his mum got involved and said I can't expect his employer to agree to that. I then said "well why do you expect mine to?"
Exactly! When I said that it’s not going to work with my schedule his solution is that I become a SAHM. I really don’t want to be a SAHM, and I’m enjoying my new job.
I wish there was room for compromise, but men think it’s the “woman’s job” for some reason.
Makes me so angry!!!
Do what he would do and don't even ask him if he can take her, just expect it.
That’s the part that angers me the most. -Them expecting it- maybe if I felt like he understood and appreciated that it is both our equal responsibility, it wouldn’t be so agitating. He acts like it’s somehow easier for me.
In fairness, he hasn't said no. Also, my entire group of friends have the mum's dropping at school and starting a bit later and the husband's doing school pick-up, running around to sports etc because the flip side is we finish later. This isn't a male issue. It's a 'your husband ' issue. You have a valid reason to want him doing it. Get up later and create the change. Do pick-up if that helps him adjust.
I have a bigger issue with attitudes that perpetuate stereotypes and discrimination of an entire demographic than I do your husband not jumping at the chance to make his day less convenient.
Most men are like this. They simply aren't designed to be maternal in a paternal way. Not all men. But MOST.
Was never an issue here.
I worked afternoon shift. I wouldn't be available for school pick ups, cooking dinner, bath time, bed routine. Dad did it all after 2:30pm and I was morning mum.
Then when I switched to morning shift I wasn't there for before school (started work at 4am) so he did mornings and I took over school pick up, dinner, homework etc.
It's not terribly hard to break that expectation. Just say no. Compromise. "OK, I'm getting up a little earlier and I'll have clothes laid out for Amy, her breakfast will be ready to put together (I did this with old lidded Tupperware bowls and pop tops of measured milk) and her bag packed. You get her up, feed her, brush her hair and teeth, dress and drop off." Workload becomes a shared one.
What time are you leaving? I’m assuming you must start at 4.30/5 am if you are up that early. It really depends on what time he starts and what time you start work. Once you guys know this you can work it out.
They do it because you allow it!
Go to work and make him deal with it!
Don’t let him have a choice in the matter it’s not fair that you or your child have to get up earlier just to get yourself to work he is a parent too and is not entitled to have more sleep than you etc if both are working to support the family, parenting should be equal not one sided. My husband of 20 years does just as much for our kids as I do, we both work extremely long hours too my kids are 13 10 and 1