My husband and I are together for almost 14years. We were 19 when got together and had baby the following year. We were young parents. We stood by our choice. I didn't force him into anything as I don't want to be blamed. We got married at 21. He asked. We had been through so much. Family issues. He stood by me. I know life is hard. But I am a very patient person. I know everything happens for a reason and I just continue life. We have all up 4 kids now. We never had big on going issues. He had mistakes which he owned up to and didn't do again. But never really felt that he is earning my trust but I still give him the trust.
He works 5-6days a week. I work weekdays. We have one kid at daycare. I earned cert and have been doing well at work. Not much money but valued at work. He loves his work but doesn't like much his workmates. He had depression before during his teen years. He has since improved having us supporting him. At home, I do most things. Cook, prepare kids, look after the household. He does do lawn which he mows once every 2-3months. Take rubbish out at times but now having older kids I make them do it. As he gets very temperamental. He comes home and he just want to straight up put his feet up. I know his job is more physical work. But I ask contributing more. I ask it so I don't put much pressure on the kids helping me. He does drop off the kids most mornings if he is not on early shift. My mental health is not a priority but I am holding myself up high. I am a very positive person. I am not perfect but also gets temperamental at times as I do most things daily. I cook most days, I prepare in the morning. I wake up earlier. On his day off if it falls on a weekday, I still book the child to daycare so he can have alone time. But all I ask is do little thing to contribute the household. I don't ask him spend his 2 days off on cleaning entire house. I just ask him clean dishes or put a load and hang them.
Recently, he demands to me that he wants to see how to live without responsibility. He booked himself on trip for 4days on his 'own'. I told him before that he can go for his 'time-out' from us as he has asked it. I respect and support him on that. But I discovered him not telling it to me and discovering it on my own. He booked himself on this trip. I found out before he left. He changed his passcode on phone. He had my number and daughter muted. I feel like I don't know him. I feel lied to. I am supportive and always try to understand him. He said he will come home. But just want to see how it feels. I don't like the idea how he had to lie about it when I even said he can. I love him and I know he loves me. But he is just focused that he is not going anywhere devoting his time working for the family. I am working now and help out on some bills. But I cant help but feel that if he can change the past he wouldnt have us. He is still on his trip. I just message him important message other than that nothing. As he didn't respond to my calls and left without bye. We do great as couple but I feel like him being impatient and just want shortcut to success pressures me to work in miracles to make our family move forward faster. I dont know what my question is. I am just confused and wanting to vent out. To those who read up to here, thank you. I have no one I could talk to about this.
8 Replies
He is Cheating on you. No husband books a trip changes passcode and mutes his wife’s number. Takes a trip and doesn't answer. Please don’t be naive. You deserve better than this. Turn up to where he is. Stay strong and don’t put up with this.
I don't agree that he's cheating. I mean, maybe, but it's not what I take from this.
First, you're far too accessible and accommodating. I mean come on, he's got to mow once every few weeks and that's all he does? He's bitching about loading a dishwasher or hanging out a load of clothes once in a while?
STOP DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM.
He takes it for granted. You don't work well together as a couple, you work well together when you have no expectations of him.
He can feed himself. He can wash his clothes. Give him a taste of having to do this for himself day in day out. When he gets back - you go for 4 days and leave him the kids to organise. Poor didums thinks the "responsibility" is hard now.
Second. For the sake of 4 days in time out, why are you contacting him? You say you messaged once for something important (and unless it's someone in hospital it could wait 4 days) and then nothing, but then you say you've been calling and he's not answered. Don't call, don't message. It's 4 days. You can cope for 4 days. This will do two things. It'll give him the space he's taking, and it'll force you into making decisions solo - because if he decides he does want out it'll be you making all the decisions so might as well get some practice.
To me he sounds like a child in a man's body. The best you should be doing is starting today, begin to untangle your finances so you have a bit put away for the day he decides its all too much for his fragile little self.
He’s definitely cheating. If my husband booked a trip and muted my number and didn’t answer. He wouldn’t be coming back that’s for sure. What if she booked a trip and left and did this to him.? He is cheating 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩He also has no respect and consideration for her or his child. What if something was wrong with his child? What has he possible got to hide 🙄 All the obvious signs are there. I hardly Doubt he is off playing golf. If I was this lady, I would be doing all I could to find out where he is and who with. I would be snooping through his phone and doing what it takes because people like this you will never get honesty from. What is so important to him on his 4 days away that his wife and child can’t contact him. Mum doesn’t just get to book 4 days away and not answer her phone. I bet she wouldn’t even think of it. He’s cheating and off with someone else while mum and child are at home worrying sick. He’s not worth it!
What, I don't agree with you so you gotta ram your opinion in again?
??
You need to stop thinking of him and start thinking about yourself here and your mental health. He sounds like an unfaithful husband, who is lying to you. I would be changing the locks before he returns. You don’t get to choose to have kids and a wife then suddenly want to see what it feels like without responsibility.? Why get married and have kids then. I doubt he is alone on his 4 days sadly for you and I would hope that isn’t the case but it looks that way. You treat him like a king. Don’t forget the queen here, you deserve this too.
My gut screams he is not alone on this trip... is that what your gut is telling you? If he has not got anything to hide then why would he hide it? The fact that he also muted your calls... something is very off. He could still spend time alone and dedicate a time to make contact with his family.
I am sorry but even without confirmation of cheating, the complete lack of respect for you and his daughter. We do not get to just check out whenever we feel like it. What would happen if you went away for 4 days and did the same?
Sometimes we become too comfortable in what we have always known, even if it's no longer good for us. You will probably always love him but will not ever know what else waits for you out there if you settle for this.
Yes he can seek professional help, couples counselling and individual. But if he is not willing to change, how long are you willing to do this dance? There are plenty of people out there who struggle with mental health problems but still push to help out.
You are not his mother and deserve to be happy.
Ok wow .. everyone is so hard on the man. What if he is really struggling mentally and needs time out. At least he's admitting it and not just plugging on. I would be more worried if and what he would do to himself. Maybe suggest he see a councellor. Life is hard , especially with 4 kids and working 6 days. I would just be there for him. Take mental health seriously !