Hey all mumma's, with 6 and 7 y/o and adhd. How the hell do you guys do it. Single mum and overwhelmed. Peads make us the bad guys when we go above and beyond with the capicity we can. I just can't seem to win. The wasting and hiding food, not much junk food in house and we all are feeling the pinch shopping. the distruction of my stuff or house that is a rental. Limited screen time and active when possible. When is it enough? I am failing and sound like a psycho on best of days. Not to mention my own health issues and navigating work, studies inbetween. I speak up to peadatrician and doctors and made to be the bad guy and not doing enough. I would love to get into extra activities but cost for membership etc is exorbitant with single income and clash with work. Ideas? Is it me? Or am I being lied to by all the parents and people telling me to just let go? How?
I suck at Parenting
I suck at Parenting
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
4 Replies
As a parent of one kid with additional care requirements/behaviour challenges. I did have to put some things on hold.
I know that can be frustrating when you are doing things that on paper should help improve your family life. But for me doing things like study on top of work, wasn’t possible. I had to minimise how busy I was when I was at home with my kid, so I could actively supervise him.
It wasn’t fun, it was tedious, but it’s the only way I got on top of a number of behaviours.
That meant not getting lost in a TV show or diving into a good book. It was hard at the time, really hard. I felt like a warden for a bit. Getting him out to a park or taking him on long bike rides and bush walks worked wonders too. It’s hard to trash a house when you are outside.
Did it set my career back, absolutely, is my son better off, absolutely.
Obviously I don’t know all the details of your life, you haven’t written any detail. I can only tell you what worked for me.
My daughter is under paeds and I don't feel like that.
Have they told you what you are lacking or doing wrong?
To be honest, my daughter is a gamer (not active at all) who doesn't have the best diet and she is perfectly behaved both at home and school.
I don't think being "active" or "junk food" has a lot to do with it when the behaviours are extreme.
You need actual strategies/solutions to modify the behaviour.
I also think a big thing that people never consider, is modelling the type of behaviour you want.
Showing respect to your child, having control of your anger/not lashing out, the way you speak to and about others, how you handle conflict etc. They are like sponges, watching everything we say and do.
You didn’t mention meds? Who is us as you’re a single mum? Who else is in the house? What do you mean you speak up? Not doing enough in what way?
You can definitely do too much in the wrong place, what are they advising that you’re not doing? How are you the bad guy? Everyone’s telling you to let go? Who is? Let go in what way?
One thing I know is that things can be heard and understood, and put into practice in so many different ways. If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, then you do need to change something.
It’s very hard when you get down into that survival mode, you’re exhausted responding and catering and wondering why no one else is suffering as badly, it’s very hard to see an end or to see how to change anything would be possible.
But keep open to the idea that better is possible, and you will get there. When overwhelmed, choose one thing to work on at a time.
As a single parent of 2 children with multiple disabilities is HARD! You will cop advice and judgement and even criticism from all angles but at the end of the day, you are doing the best you can and only you know what is best for you and your child and your family. Trust yourself. I’m not sure if you are allowed to mention special needs places of support on here but look up Kindship. You won’t be disappointed. Sorry admin if this is not ok.