Ladies I need some advice
Ive known this guy for over 2 years. He is my best friend. We do basically everything together these days. Our kids love each other.
I friend zoned him from day one. Don't know why I just did.
He just isn't "my type". He is the complete opposite from me. It's just the little things like his heavy mettle music and drawing a penis on his ballet paper for a donkey vote. I look past this as I love him so much as a friend. He says weird things that to me seem a bit crude.
Im in to fashion he wears the worst clothes ha. But he has asked me to go shopping with him that he needs help. Just those sort of things
We are so close we even go look at underwear online together. Or I show him my new spanks. Basically you could say he is the friend I've always asked for in life.
I always get worried what my extended family will think of the people I date. They like degress/class and all that. This guy has a permanent job but no degree. But neither do I.
Now this guy was there for me when my bf dumped me on valentines day. He was supportive when I wanted to get back with him.
He was there when things really went south and I had a termination of pregnancy.
He has seen me fresh out of endometriosis surgery, I was ugly to say the least ha.
When ever he comes over he brings me roses from his garden.
He knows all the little details of me. And I mean the fine little things
When I have a night out (once in a blue moon) he rocks up the next morning with a bottle of milk (i love milk after a night out).
He has never made a move. I have been sitting on his bed a few wines in at bbqs him too and he still doesn't touch me. He is respectful.
When there was a Luna eclipse he sends me an easy of message saying how he loves watching this moon as he knows I will be watching it to with a smile on my face. It was the sweetest message I have ever received
I've been in two DV relationship. I still have orders on these men one being my daughtes dad. So to have someone do all this for me and to me for 2 years solid makes me think this isn't right. Why is he not trying to hook up with me, why does he call me beautiful not hot or I'd f you..
He seems perfect right. Well thats why he is my best friend.
He has told me he would marry me tomorrow if I said yes.
So my question is do I make the leap and try and create that white picket fence he keeps talking of or do I just keep him as my friend cause if it didn't work out I would lose him. And I just can't.
My heart and mind is torn
9 Replies
I gave the guy I friend zoned who said me loved me and would treat me like a queen a chance and he was super possessive, thought I should be a slave and it was just an awful situation. So I wouldn't recommend it if you don't have feelings for him. Being single is better than being with someone just because you're lonely and he gives you attention.
Same. I also gave the friend zoned guy a chance and I was stuck in 5 years of a possessive DV relationship. Within 12 months of our relationship, hed changed from a super nice, supportive and caring guy to being possessive & emotionally and financially controlling, and it all went downhill from there.
I think if you don't want a relationship with him then put the distance there. Don't say it's all him because he seems to respect boundaries which tells me you're not putting any up. He seems to literally be waiting for that last little fence to come down. I dated a guy who had a female "best friend" and it was really weird. At first I thought it was really cool but as time went on it just became obvious that he wanted to be more than friends with her but he got sick of waiting for her to get him out of the friend zone. If she wanted him for any reason, he would be there. The more we dated the more she seemed to need him for something. She had a little boy for which he took on an uncle role, he couldn't have kids so he loved this boy like his own and she really took advantage of that getting him to do all these things for her, babysit, shop, take him out places, go camping with them. It just got to the point where I could see no future at all with him because our relationship couldn't go past the dating stage as all his spare time went to her. And the fact it became obvious he had feelings for her. I really think she loved that she was wanted like that and that he was just there waiting for her so whenever he dated anyone she would really dig the heels in to keep him on track with her. That was 6 years ago and he is STILL single and STILL "best friends" with this woman. Just make sure you're not selfishly hanging on to him for your own ego.
No, please don't.
Cut him loose, tell him you will never have feelings for him so he can move on and find the love of his life.
Be kind and put his needs/feelings above your own need for attention/emotional support.
What you're doing at the moment, knowing his feelings, could be considered cruel.
Short answer: Simply do not go there.
Long answer: If I can give you some honest feedback, I actually feel like you've got some personal growth and self reflection to do before entering a relationship with anyone!
I say that because a lot of your focus here seems to be quite superficial and shallow. I mean, most of your objections to having a romantic relationship with this guy really come down to appearances. It's about how he looks and presents himself in a physical sense, it's about how he presents in terms of achievement and a hell of a lot of it is about what other people would think...
None of those things even cross your mind when you have genuine feelings of attraction to someone.
Having said that. This guy is not the perfect friend you think he is. On a surface level, he seems like a saint but if you think about it a little more deeply you have to start wondering whether he's truly doing all this as a friend or is he doing this because he has an ulterior motive?
I tend to think it's the latter. It's almost manipulative in a way, like if he waits in the "friend zone" long enough, he'll eventually wear you down. Which frankly is starting to work since you're here contemplating whether or not you should go down that path.
Um this guy isn’t your friend 😂 he’s just hoping he will eventually wear on you. It’s a very manipulative tactic. But it’s easier to see something when your not in the mist of it… I honestly wonder if he actually has a partner already so he’s not technically cheating on her but has you as the side/emotional support and that’s why he hasn’t made a move yet. Although all the stuff he says implys he’s waiting for you to make a move. (Even though it’s what cheaters do cause then if anything came out they can say she made a move first …)
He does seem like a big red flag but he may not be and u won’t know unless you take a chance.
Paedophile?
Not interested in you, but your child?
Red flags everywhere here.
I have watched my boss/ friend be in this type of relationship for the last 4 years. She doesn’t want him romanticly but he would do absolutely anything for this woman. She even got herself a new man, and knew how my friend felt flaunted this man in front of him saying she really “connects” with him. My friend was devestated ( they were only together 1 year) We sit back and see how much it hurts him, but can’t say anything because we love this guy and don’t want to ruin our friendship with him, not to mention he is our boss 😂
The guy you are friends with needs to find a woman that will love him the way her deserves! Just like our friend. I feel you can’t be “just friends” with the opposite sex if one has very strong feelings for the other. The person who wants to keep it in the friends zone needs to step back and let the other one find love somewhere else.
I had this guy and he wanted more and I did not. He said the sweetest things and poured his heart out. We both moved on to different partners but he treated me with so much respect and I will always admire him. We will always be friends, just not as close. My current partner is my best friend, we often think the same way which is kinda funny and freaky at the same time. I think you need to ask yourself if you feel more for him? How would you feel if he was no longer in your life? Can you imagine yourself with anyone else? If you really want this guy take a leap of faith as I was still hesitant with my current partner in the beginning due to DV history. I needed someone that was kind and emotionally stronger than me and I knew it. If you still are not sure give it a little longer ;)
BTW the male friend I had was not a Pedo, being manipulative or nasty. He was genuinely a nice guy and hoped I would like him back. We loved spending time together and going on outings as a shared interest. We were both single and lonely so why not. The suggestions that this guy is horrible and manipulative are a bit of a stretch..