When I was 20 I found out I was pregnant, i had just gotten out of a long term on and off again situationship and began to see other people. At the time was young and had no idea what to do as I didn’t know who the father was. I did let the potentials know I was pregnant, one didn’t want anything to do with it and offered to pay to take care of it (I was to far along for this to be an option) and the other that kind of laughed it off and stopped talking to me. I decided to just to it alone. I met my my now husband when my son was a few months old, he took my son as his own. My son is now 10 and doesn’t know his dad isn’t his dad biologically. My husband wants to adopt my son fully. I know that I will need to try find the biological father for this to happen, I have found him on FB but I don’t know what to say and I very worried about how my son is going to react to it. Has anyone been in this situation how did you go about it?
4 Replies
Is the bio dad on his birth certificate? If not i don’t think you need the bio father’s permission to let your husband adopt your son.
You do need to tell your son ASAP. The longer you keep it a secret the more your child will resent you for it.
Look up step parent adoptions for your state.
Most states would require at a minimum leave (permission) of the courts to ‘remove’ the rights of the bio father.
It’s likely an easier option (although not honest) to say you just don’t know at all who the father is. As apposed to knowing, then needing DNA confirmation and then getting his permission.
Once paternity is established the process could likely be harder especially if the biological father decides after all these years being a dad to his child might be something worth entertaining.
Start with a google search and then find a lawyer specific to this area and go from there before you reach out to the biological parent.
Good luck 🤞
Your son deserves to know the truth. You’re still only considering this from your husbands wants. And probably your own, as you’d like to just have you and your husband be the only parents he knows. But your son deserves the truth and the longer you hide it the harder it will be for him to handle. He’ll resent you. Especially if you bring it out like this, again with your husbands interests at heart. Tell your son his story.
I’d tell him while he’s still young. My son had his bio dad in the picture but we met my husband when my son was 1.5 years old. As he grew older he would ask who his real dad is although we were open with this already. However we told him step dad chose both him and me which makes that really special as he chose to have my son as his son too. I know my situation is a bit different but it helped my son knowing that his step dad chose both me and him because he loved us both. My son is 12 now and doesn’t see his bio dad at all. For years he has seen his step dad as his real dad as this is the dad he’s known to step up and actually be a dad to him. We asked my son what is a dad to you? He explained everything that his step dad is and then told us that’s makes a real dad. Good luck with you son. Sounds like you have a great family :)