Hi,
I have just found I'm pregnant with my 4th child. However I am beyond confused about this, I'm 40 my youngest is 10 and my oldest has Autism and will probably never live on his own. I have been told by the father that if I continue with the pregnancy that is the end of the relationship, although I think its the end either way. But I am so scared of regretting my decision either way. We still live week to week and I only have a small house, each kid has a room of their own at the moment. I was just hoping for some advice. I really don't know what to do
9 Replies
Wow what a scum bag he is!! I’d leave him and continue to have the baby. You could keep the baby in your room after all you will be single and bub needs to be close to you. This is your decision though and if you don’t go ahead with this, I’d still get rid of the man. He sounds like an unsupportive dk! What kind of man plays a part in a pregnancy then threatens this!! Makes me furious. Get rid of him, it says alot about him. How about support for you and your decisions together instead of threats. Does he work? He sounds like a loser that you are better off without!
To be honest I wouldn't take what his father into consideration for my decision. However, I wouldn't have the baby if it would significantly negatively affect my other kids, which it sounds like it might do. Also you need to consider the fact that the baby may have issues as well and could you deal with that? Especially on your own (if what his father says is true and he decides to leave) these are all things I'd be considering before making a decision because yes people do indeed regret kids and there are many articles and posts online about it and even entire sub reddit dedicated to it.
Put it this way...would you rather regret a child you didn't have or regret a child you did have?
Don't base your decision on any potential future regret, base it on what is right for your family now.
I think we all live with a bit of regret about things we didn't do in life, but we all manage to move past it and live our lives.
Could you live with the "I wonders" as in you will always wonder what life would of been like if you brought them into the world, how would they be, who would they be?..... but really, if you feel like you couldn't possibly cope or think a baby would change your life in a huge way that wouldn't suit the family then maybe an abortion is the best thing for you. My heart Breaks for you being dealt this situation in life. As for the "father" well kick him to the curb. He doesn't just get to tell you it's the end if you have the baby, he obviously doesn't realise it's his responsibility as well
Only you know what you can live with.
Can you do life with a new baby and 3 other kids on your own? can you manage the financial requirements and emotional needs of all that are already watch side? I personally probably wouldn't bring another child in to the mix, at 40 it's a lot, your youngest is 10 it's like starting again. You don't have your husband's support and are looking at being a single parent. Good luck and big hugs. If you want it you can make it work. Your heart needs to be okay with whatever decision you make
Other commenters have already discussed meeting the financial, emotional needs of another child so I will not go into that. My concern is do you really want to be tied to an manipulative jerk for the rest of your life. This man may turn around and still want access to his child either right away or in the future and judging the lack of emotional maturity he is going to make your life hell if and when he does decide he wants to be involved. Personally I could not go ahead if it means dealing with another jerk.
I am sorry you are going through this. It's a hard decision to make but know that whatever you decide, it's made for the right reasons and due to what you feel you can and cannot cope with right now. Take care x
I would be distraught if I was to fall pregnant but I know I would regret not having the baby more than having the baby. I could not live with the “what ifs”. We always manage to find a way when we need to.
I am the 4th child after an equally long gap. My father was embarrassed because I guess the gap and the age of himself and my mother.
I also have had a surprise pregnancy I did not plan with a big gap. This child is now an adult and we have discovered the many reasons I did not know then why is here now.
To me if you don’t want a child choose adoption. I would have many regrets and women are not told the negative mental impact abortion has on a lot of women. It’s more than the short term difficulties you will face. What are the long term blessing you will have if you chose to go ahead with this pregnancy?
No one can make this decision for you but I feel I’m one of a few on here offering the possibility of hope and blessings a new child can deliver.