I met a beautiful man 10 months ago. We are the same age and have so much fun together. I have 3 kids and dont want more. He doesnt have any and says he doesnt want any either so we are on the same page. We are both divorced. The thing is, he has advanced kidney disease. He is about to go on dialysis. We don't live together and havent gotten to that stage. We have tried to break up before, he was struggling with his health and didnt feel like he could be the person he wants to be mostly for my kids and putting them through loss if we got serious, and he didnt get kidney donation. Has anyone experienced something like this? Supported someone through dialysis. Or even donated a kidney (he hasnt asked but its constantly on my mind). Am i being selfish to my children for staying in this? Would love to hear thoughts and experiences - my loving heart and logical brain are clashing.
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What's the difference between loving someone you know is sick, getting treated, could live many years - in fact your kids could be adults before they succumb. Or they get a kidney and live for a long time.
Vs.
Meet the next best thing average Joe, healthy, gets in a wreck leaving them on life support until they pass years later.
We're fragile. It doesn't take much to kill us.
There's no guarantees in life except death. Seems to be a fair few people fear that reality.
As opposed to the judgemental cries of the self-righteous brigade that love is based on convenience.
How many years could they be together MAKING those memories with positive experiences?
Where does it end? Your parent is terminal so you don't have kids so they don't have the pain of losing their grandparent? You don't have more than one child because there's a chance their sibling/s might die first? Don't repartner after divorce in case the new partner gets themselves really sick a short time later?
I don't deny that there's an element of 'only living once' to some of my life. I've certainly never excluded people from our life based on health or illness.
Be a sad existence otherwise. In my opinion.
I've been through intense grief in front of my children. They learnt empathy and were not personally affected
But would you choose it?
They learnt "empathy" but were not "personally affected" LOL
That's an oxymoron, if ever I heard it.
So which is it, sociopaths that can watch their grief stricken mother suffer and not be affected?
Or kids with empathy that were disturbed to see their mum grief stricken?
You're a joke.
And a liar who makes up narrative to support her opinions.
How are those dialysis patients going?
Yikes. You're very angry. They were upset that I was upset. They asked to cook dinner so for a while I taught them a range meals.... I was teaching things while they though they were loving me.... in reality, grief comes in waves... so I was able to be connected to them when I wasn't falling apart but then they were focused on supporting me anyway.
And when I was a mess, we made microwave popcorn, found a family movie and made a movie day/night.
I also anticipated days I wouldn't cope, so I made healthy meals in advance froze them. That certainly helped with the tough times. Nothing's perfect, but undoing my grief would be about getting my best friend back, not supporting my kids.... they're gorgeous
Sounds like their lives were very affected, from seeing you sad to feeling the need to make the family meal.
Hmm.
Would I choose love and potential for a happy life for an entire family.
Over being so cold to assume a person terminally ill wasn't worth the love of a partner and family because they might die.
The lack of empathy could surprise me, but it doesn't. I hold a pretty low expectation of most of society so you don't disappoint.
Yes I agree!! Go for it Mumma.
Again all the empathy and focus is on HIM and what HE deserves.
Not the single mum raising 3 kids alone.
Do you know how hard that is?
Where is your EMPATHY for her?
She needs someone to lean on, not someone who will be very heavily leaning on her.
Give the OP, the single mum your EMPATHY.
She's the one who wrote in, for all we know the guy could be a narcissist, let him write to his own forum and get emapthy.
Rubbish. The focus and empathy on HER is to follow her heart BECAUSE it's what she wants.
Do you seriously choose the people in your life based on what they can do for you?
Not just because you choose them as a person?
You go for it Mumma. You said you both have fun and he is a beautiful man. He makes you happy and you make him happy. You will get through this, even if you decide down the track that it isn’t for you. Just enjoy each day with him and take it day by day. You both deserve the happiness that you have found in each other.
He could be on dialysis for a very long time. He could get a donor next week, you won’t know. Why give up a good relationship. If it makes you both happy then go for it. No you aren’t his carer like others are saying. You are his partner. Ignore some of these ridiculous comments.
My relative now age 40 was on dyalsis for 3 years & had a transplant & is doing great now. She could still do things in between her dialysis. It’s been 6 years now between dyalsis and transplant and she is going really well and guess what she had a boyfriend through out this. He stood by her. He was her carer, he was her boyfriend.
He wasn’t her carer , he was her boyfriend.
Oh my god, use the edit button below your post.
OMG what!! Where 🙄 I don’t know where you are seeing this but if you don’t have anything comment to the OP then please stay out of mine. There is always one person. Go away!
You've added a boyfriend into the story since your very first reponse about your relative.
Yours was the very first comment, strange you didn't mention it then.
Oh so strange 😂😂 you people are nuts. Do you want me to mention her mum, dad, brothers and sisters too. How odd. What do you think she didn’t have a boyfriend because she was on dyalsis?
You and Dr Google and her dialysis patients lol make it up as you go along.
Why would you mention her dad, brothers and sisters when this post is about intimate, romantic relationships?
Nice try, but your little red herring is as transparent as glass.
Surely when giving this type of advice, this is something you would have lead with.
I can't stand liars and people full of BS giving advice, really gives me the sh**ts.