I made so many excuses for my husband’s behaviour over the years and the way he treated me. He was tired or stressed or overworked or depressed. I was just so in love with him that I didn’t see anything really wrong. Then I really believed that I was the problem in the relationship. I really thought I was useless and I had to do more to make him happy and stay with me. He even cheated on me once and I blamed myself because I wasn’t pretty enough or fun enough. I’ve only just opened my eyes in the last couple of years that he is a narcissist and was also very good at gas lighting me. So, why do I still love him? He’s not all bad. He actually has some good qualities and we do have some good times together. He can sometimes do some nice things for me. But if there’s ever an argument, he throws everything back in my face, and everything is my fault all over again. Why do I still love him? I’ve been happy before, but I NEVER remember being TRULY happy.
Why do I still love my narcissistic husband?
Why do I still love my narcissistic husband?
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Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories
3 Replies
You're trauma bonded to him, read up about it.
Positive and negative reinforcement, if he was always horrible you would never have stayed.
The good doesn't excuse the bad.
Sadly You are manipulated that is why. He doesn’t allow you to feel any different because he is in control of you. You have to start doing things for you and going against what he wants. Stand up to him and start making a plan, saving money aside getting things together and getting your life back by leaving one day. I can assure you that someone like this, wouldn’t have only cheated once. It’s probably still happening. The only way to deal with him is to leave else you’ll be living with this for life. They aren’t capable of change. Read up on the word narcissist. you can’t win with one. Cutting them off is the only way. I think if you met someone else, you’d prob realise you never really loved him for a long time, you tolerated him because it’s all you know and he is in control.
It's not love. It's trauma bond, and it's domestic violence victim mindset. It's fear of the unknown (leaving). It's zero self esteem because he has you convinced no-one else would have you (newsflash: you don't need another man. You can be amazingly happy and fulfilled on your own).
It's brainwashing into thinking he's wonderful. He isn't.
Please call a DV hotline for advice and support.