My daughters father has been in jail for 2 years. Her paternal family now never see her, they make no effort, they’ll post a public hb to Facebook on her birthday with a picture from when she was younger, she doesn’t even use Facebook, she’s 11! They have my number. I’ve reached out multiple times on holidays or hers/their birthdays but they aren’t ever interested. She’ll ask me to see them so I’ll contact them and they’ll either ignore me or say they’re too busy. How do I help her process this?
While they were never super close, she’d see them a handful of times a year and enjoyed it. She’s hurt because despite what her father is, they are her family and she feels abandoned. I can’t fix this because I can’t force them to want to be in her life. Please help with advice.
Extended Family abandoning a child
Extended Family abandoning a child
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
2 Replies
My MIL does the Facebook shit, it's all for appearances. She hasn't seen my children in 11 years by her own choice but she likes everyone to think she's nanna of the year.
This is one of those situations where YOU have to draw the line. Their indifference is hurting your baby so stop trying to facilitate a relationship with people who are clearly not interested.
The more you keep contacting them and making the effort, the longer your daughter will hold onto hope. That is only going to prolong her pain and confusion.
My own parents are like this too. I've had a few honest chats with my kids about it, I try to get them to keep their expectations low, I explain to them that it's absolutely and unequivocally not their fault. I let them know that sometimes grown ups just do not have their priorities in check. My children are a few years older than your daughter, they're at the stage now where they get it.
If it's a public post, comment and say "her birthday was great. She's 11 today, it's horrendous that no matter how often I reach out to you, you refuse to answer our calls or texts, or say you're too busy to see her. Thank-you though."