My 15 (almost 15 year old) recently got a 20 day suspension for having a knife at school. He didn't pull it out at school and no teachers saw it. 3 kids who dislike him told on him after he got one of them suspended for 20 days for online harassment. (Which they are still doing to him indirectly). Unfortunately now he is looking at being expelled. It's a public school which is out of catchment but we sent him there this year because his old school did nothing to help him through the bullying he received there and I refuse to send him to other schools in our area because ultimately they are all connected and he would face the same issues.
I am devastated. This was his year to turn it all around and he made a poor choice which could now impact him greatly. He is a great kid otherwise. He was really working hard to bring his grades up, none of the teachers are worried about his behaviour in class (quite the opposite they have been very worried about him)
How can I fight this. This school is perfect for him. He is heartbroken. I feel like I would have to home-school him if he does get suspended because I don't feel like I can keep him safe.
He made a poor choice which could now ruin his chances to do what he wants in life and I feel like the worst parent for this happening. I am blaming myself that I didn't try hard enough to keep him safe and it's my karma for things I have done in the past.
I have already got him a mental health plan and he has been triaged at head space but I don't know if I should be doing more. I don't want him out of this school as it stands for everything I want.
If any o e could help it would be appreciated. In Qld if it helps.
14 y.o. possible exclusion.
14 y.o. possible exclusion.
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Education, Behaviour, Teenagers
17 Replies
I understand it’s important to you that he stays at this school. I say this not to be hurtful - he did more than a silly mistake.
I mean, really think this through. He carried a knife. His ‘enemy’ knew he had it, how? He told them. Imagine a kid with mental health issues did that to your kid or at your school.
So of course you as the loving parent regret all this, but the school is really going to be looking at the lots of things. Your sons record is one thing, your willingness to support is in his favour, as long as it’s not enabling. Make sure you’re also willing to hold him accountable and are sending him the right message. It seems like you have already sat him down and told him that this is life - consequences are out of your hands once you do things. Also explain to him what consequences if he ever used the knife. He could kill someone. Teen knife crimes are out of control. And often result in senseless murder. Show him the news story about the mother who died in her own home recently. The mothers of the teens that did that would also tell you their kids are good kids, loving, heartbroken etc. it doesn’t matter to a court if you’re guilty you take the consequence.
He needs to understand it’s more than ‘a poor choice’.
I'm well aware that he fucked up majorly. So is he. He has been distraught too thinking he is going to juvi.
He loves the school too.
His reasoning behind it was it gave him a sense of protection. He has been beaten twice this year. Once by this kid another time by a group at a train station.
It was only found because one kid went through his bag.
He is facing some massive consequences at home. I am mostly asking for help in what we can do to stop him getting expelled. One of his chances at what he wants to do in life are pretty much down the drain. I don't want him to be more stuffed then he already is. I'm trying to help him get back on track and he is already making efforts.
That’s not the excuse you think it is. You’re saying he chose to carry a knife, for fights. Really scary. You can meet with the school and put forward your points but they’ll put it all together and make the call.
He needs a new group of friends and the school need them in a room together and an end to this. I wouldn’t want my kid at a school if he was bashed. Use this suspension time for professional help. Get him to write it all down and send an apology to the school and explain how he likes it there and wants help and support to help change his behaviour.
And he is sorry for his actions and that he did not think. You say they went through his bag, I’m guessing he mentioned knife, to prompt them to look.
If your poor son needs to carry a knife to feel safe at that school, I say f*** the school.
Any school would be better than that one.
He deserves better and so do you.
Change the narrative, make him see what a dangerous and sh** place it is.
Start a fresh.
I can't imagine how he suffers psychologically every day if he went to these extremes to feel safe.
Sounds like he could also have some PTSD from being beaten twice.
I would look at distance ed.
Good luck to you and your boy x
Thanks. This school was meant to be a fresh start. He got beaten a few times at his last school too which is why we changed. Distance Ed is my next step. I have him triaged at head space already.
It just sucks because he loves the school. I definitely thing he has ptsd from the last school.
The biggest problem now is I don't trust any high school to keep him safe.
Ultimately, your son bought a weapon onto school grounds. As the parent of two high schoolers, that scares the crap out of me because we all know teenagers dont always think before they act.The out come here could have been so much worse!
Your son could have felt threatened and used it on somebody.
Your son's bullies could have stolen it and used it on him or one of their other victims (because there would be others).
The knife may could have ended up anywhere putting innocent staff and students at risk...
You seem a bit salty that these boys told on your son and look I get why that would add insult to injury a bit, but them telling someone about the knife was single-handedly the most responsible, sensible thing they could have done.
Yeah, expulsion isn't ideal if it plays out that way (and i think you may need to prepare yourself for that possibility) but try and keep things in perspective - your son could be injured, dead or facing charges!
It sounds like your son needs a fair bit of psychological support right now, maybe some distance ed or home schooling is actually in his best interests for the moment. Even if that's just temporary while you guys focus on his mental health.
There is absolutely no excuses for having a knife at school and if the kids like him or not, I’m glad they dobbed him in and your son will learn a lesson from this and cop the consequences.
He needs to get back to school, keep his head down and do what is asked of him. Give it another go, with the support of the school.
There is a there here in QLD called busy schools, where kids can go and learn in a smaller setting. I’d be looking at apprenticeships also through school, part time jobs or anything to help keep him busy after schools and give him a goal and purpose.
You are trying and doing an amazing job, else you wouldn’t be on here. Let your son own this and learn from his mistakes.
Get him to write an apology letter to the school and tell them how he made wrong decisions and he is looking forward to coming back and focusing on his schooling and working towards his goals.
If any kid in my kids school has a knife at school, I’m really sorry but I wouldn’t want that kid at their school. He has to work hard to change this and his reputation now but you also have to not make excuses for him and let him learn the hard way.
Also get him off of social media and take his phone.the no one can reach him to He’s suspended for god sake. No phone or wifi then no one can get to him and aggravate him. Taking a knife to school, what if he snapped and used it. he needs regular appointments with a psychologist.
I have to put my hand up and say I have heard another teen say they carried a knife for protection as well. We had a lengthy discussion about it and they removed it from their bag. It was after numerous threats from other people.
After reading that your son has been beaten at this school and his experience at the last.. it's not good enough! So I want to ask if there are any other options for him? If you can do home-schooling until he is old enough for TAFE or otherwise. Sit and talk through a plan with him. Ask him what he wants to do in the future and tell him you're going to work through it to get there.
I am keeping my kids OUT of the public system by any means until they are year 11/12 and even then it's optional. My kids started out in there and I only had to see the rife bullying and bs they had to put up with and I went oh hell no. My kids thrived as soon as I moved them. They are also very bright. I have family members who homeschool to avoid it as well. Let your son know it is not all him, choices have consequences but find a way move forward and prove them wrong about him 💕
Can I ask what prompted him to bring the knife to school? What lead to that decision?
I would put him in a martial arts class so he can learn to defend himself against physical bullying and build up his confidence (and maybe make outside friends) , and push hard for counselling.
I'd also push a lot harder for the school to deal with the bullying, and when they don't (because most don't) then I would make a formal police report of assault if your child is bashed again; or if the online bullying continues.
There's a govt website that has a lot of info about online bullying and how to deal with it - sorry I can't remember the name right now, google it.
Police will speak to the offenders and their parents, but it's not likely the kids will face prosecution.
This particular situation won't affect his job choices in the future unless he is criminally convicted, and I'd be shocked as hell if he is, because of the juvenile laws in QLD. But if it happens again, or actually uses the knife, he might.
The issue at the centre of this is - if the bullies had chosen that day to pick on him, the knife would have been used.
And then there is a potentially dead child, and a potential life sentance for your child. It happened at a very ritzy school in Brisbane a couple of years ago.
Now, every school shooter in America blames being bullied.
I was severely bullied at a school as a kid (aged 11 - 12) and if I had access to a gun, I would have used it, no doubt. If my dad hadn't had his guns locked up tight (we lived in the country, everyone had guns), I absolutely would have used them. I even planned it.
My parents changed my school, and all of my problems were solved.
If it's so important that he stays in this school, I would be calling a meeting with the principal and explaining all the interventions you've put in place, and maybe even suggest that if a teacher or principal want to do spot searches of his locker / backpack, you agree to that.
Make them very aware of the background, and how your son absolutely understands the consequences, and he could perhaps return on probation.
If he has classes or situations where he may be in close range of these bullies, ask if those situations can be changed so there's no contact between them.
I'd also bring up that while that bully got a suspension for the harassment they weren't expelled, and although your son did something so very wrong, he didn't actually target or threaten anyone.
Also question why / how this bully was going through his bag in the first place - absolutely zero excuse, however, it does show the pattern of bullying that your son is subject to.
Keep in mind, HE DID, take a knife to school. In most schools, anything that comes under the rule of possible weapon can result in explosion.
But in saying that, his clean record may work for him. Talk to the principal, and talk about some form Of probation.
I think you think about the points and arrange a meeting with the school to see if they will consider not expelling him. Be mindful saying he didn't get it out if his bag and no teachers saw it sounds like an enabling attitude so I would be mindful not to come across to the school like that.
Original poster here. We had a meeting at the school today with the principal. I can't judge how it went but I will know by Monday the outcome. He has written an apology letter, we should hear what support will be offered from Headspace next week.
He has had all technology taken from him. And we have had talks discussing this and how best to move safely forward.
For those saying I am not treating this seriously. It's not true. I am taking it seriously. We will face the consequences whatever they will be.
For those saying the school isn't right for him. You don't know the situation. It was one kid who on his third day at the school decided he was an easy target. He beat him that day. While the school intervened and did what they could it has only been this one kid who was the problem. The rest of the school have been great. We choose this school for a reason.
I am trying my best as a mum. I know I would be scared and concerned too if another kid did the same but I also feel I would have empathy pending the situation. Another friend of mine told me her nephew did the same thing. For the same reasons. He got a 2 week suspension.
And for those asking. No teacher ever saw the knife. The knife was thrown onto train tracks before he was told on. This is very much him against this other kid. And the kid only doing so because we reported the cyber bullying that he did to my son. I'm not making excuses for him. He did have a knife, he has admitted that but the stories of what happened have been put differently and out of context.
Um no!
Your child brought a knife into a school! Everyone in a school deserves to be safe. If he was at a place of work, he would be arrested and charged. He would be in gaol. You don't get to make mistakes like that in life without serious consequences.
As a teacher, we and everyone else deserve to be safe at school. I am so over entitled families putting their kids and their needs above the safety and well-being of everyone else. The school has done the right thing in suspending him. I am beyond flabbergasted by this post. This was not a little mistake that you can just sweep under the rug. It cannot be fix by an apology letter and some grounding. This is someone intentionally taking a weapon onto school grounds.
HOLD YOU CHILD ACCOUNTABLE! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Be a parent and get your child help before he ends up hurting someone.
I cannot believe that your son took a knife to school and YOU are annoyed that he got a 20 day suspension and the possibility of being expelled. I think it is very fitting... because he took a knife school. The moment he put that in his bag, he took the rights and safety of every child and adult at that school.
He is lucky he isn't being criminally charged. He should be.