Failed

I have failed as a parent.

Back ground, I was in a dv relationship with my ex, he did everything but physically hit me. He is a narcissist, I didn’t know what that even was until we went to couples therapy to help with “all my issues”. After our first session. I was contacted and asked to come back urgently for a private one on one session with the therapist, and was advised not to mention it to my now ex. In the one on one session the therapist told me that after our first session (where my ex answered all the questions even the ones directed to me) that he feared for my safety, offered to take me to the police station to file for a dvo and that he would arrange safe accommodation for my son and I. - not fully understanding that I wasn’t the problem as I had been told that for years, I stupidly declined, and said I wasn’t in therapy to pull my family apart, I was there to fix my problems so we could all be together.

Since ending the relationship 8 years ago (3 years after therapy), my ex has regularly given my son his opinion on me and my family, which isn’t very nice, thinks we are toxic. He would reward my son for behaving just like he had towards me and my son now 16, is well on the way to being a narcissist. Even though I’ve spent thousands on therapy for him over the past 8 years, to help him through all of this.

My son lies, he tries to manipulate situations, when caught out he act like he has no clue what I (or teachers for that matter) are talking about. He blames everything on everyone else, it’s always someone else fault. He steals.

My son and I literally can’t have a conversation where he doesn’t try turning it into an argument, there’s no need for it. The mental abuse I get from him is really taking its toll, it’s just like I’m back in the relationship with my ex.

I went to a meeting with the school today as I had concerns about some absentees and emails from some of the teachers, only to find out that, at almost the end of term1 my son has done next to no school work, I’m always told oh I did that assessment on the computer at school so I have nothing to go on until I’m emailed that something hasn’t been handed in, which is not very often, he is failing 4 out of 6 classes, the other 2 classes interim results weren’t in yet. My sons reason for this, the teachers won’t sit with me and help me do it for the whole class. He is not stupid and certainly doesn’t need his has held. He’s choosing to game on his phone or the computer.

I contacted my ex about todays meeting and his grades and lack of school work, so that he was aware of where we were at, he told our son, that teachers are all cookie cutters reading out of the same book, that it wasn’t our sons fault that they don’t know how to teach him. I was absolutely in disbelief, that my ex blamed the teachers for our son choosing to game in class time, and not even attempt to do any work. From then on all attempts to try and work out a plan on how to fix the issue, came back to well it’s not my fault the teachers are all cookie cutters and can’t teach me. Which of course lead to an argument between me and my son, and my ex blaming me for not having me shit together.

I have failed to the point that I asked my ex about having a serious conversation about our son move in with him as he has alway fobbed this off in the past. He basically blamed me for our sons behaviour, laughed at me and said well don’t blame me when your son wants nothing to do with you and you haven’t heard from him in years, he lives on the other side of the country and I know once my son is gone, I will probably never see him again.

I can’t parent my son any longer. . .I failed 😢