I don’t know where to start with this - I feel sick to my stomach and angry and feel like I just can’t process this.
Tonight we had friends over, we had dinner, a great night, then realised that our 8yo boys were missing and it was VERY quiet.
My friend and I went to my sons room, the door was closed the light was off - I opened the door and flicked on the light and my son jumped up and pulled his undies up, his friend was behind him and jumped up and pulled up his shorts. We asked what the hell they were doing and they both lied and said they were just dancing. After telling them what we just witnessed is inappropriate - we told both boys we will be speaking with each of them and they are to tell the truth. Our friends left and I spoke to my son. He lied 3 times before I got anything that seemed like truth. He told me it was his idea to go into his bedroom and pull his pants down with the light off, but he said his friend had the idea to put his penis in my sons bum.
It makes me sick typing that, my stomach is doing backflips. These boys are only 8. We are normal families - if anything my friend and I are overprotective Mums- helicopter parents if you will. We protect them from everything and our kids are always with us if they aren't at school.
I don’t know how to handle this!! I am not ok!!
I don't know what else I can say or do, I cant think straight. Please offer some advice!!
12 Replies
Omg! This is very concerning and sickening. You need to ring up and speak to family this to family services or ring brave hearts and ask for advice. This other boy may have been abused by someone. This isn’t right that they would think of that at this age. It doesn’t matter if they are always with you, there are family members who are capable so please don’t dismiss anyone who’s care they are in ever, even if you are around. You also don’t know who the other boy is around when his mum is around. Father, uncles, grandpa. Never dismiss anyone but I would be making sure nothing has ever happened to these boys and getting your son to a psychologist. That poor kid. It makes me feel sick, I can’t imagine how you must feel.
What’ a worry. You don’t just learn this from no where. I wouldn’t be allowing them near each other again until you get the truth on where they learnt this behaviour and I’d also suggest speaking with your Dr and some professional help. You don’t know if this will impact your son in future.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. Perhaps call brave hearts and get some information on this before telling your friend what your son said.
Child psychologist asap. Get a care plan and have him see one. They will get things out of him the right way and give him support that he will need. Hopefully this boy didn’t actually do that to him.
This is very concerning behaviour and your friends son has been abused. I'm not sugar coating it. Please make a report or report it to the child's school by phone call they have to report it.
Ring brave hearts asap
* Don't question either boy any further, if the other boy has been abused and his case goes to court, they could consider any questioning done by anyone as coaxing and won't be able to take that evidence into account. There are specialized police officers and child protection workers who are highly trained in questioning children so their accounts can be used in court. So many abusers get let off because of people questioning victims and witnesses the wrong way.
*Take your boy for a medical checkup.
* Consider reporting incident to police.
*Write down everything that happened, date, time, witnesses, what was said
* Book your child in to see a counselor
* Report it
* Play it down with your friend. Tell them you're no longer worried about it. If the other boy has been abused you don't want them to prep their boy for any questioning.
* It doesn't mean your friends are abusers. It could be anyone. It could be that he's managed to watch porn and acting it out. But the fact he had lights off to do it says that it's not porn and not just curiosity. You need to report it.
Yes this 100 % I hope this poor mum is reading this and follows it up. One of these boys is being abused and they need to find out the truth the right way, from these boys through the right people. This mum needs to consider immediate family
Members who these boys are around and keep it to them selves. Keep their boys safe and do this the right way. No speaking to the other mum about it anymore. If it ruins the friendship then so he it but these boys need help and support. Something is happening to one of them.
Don’t just jump on one of these 2 are being abused. For all we know the friends son could of been in same situation as posters son and he’s got a friend who is experimenting with him. It could stem back 4 more friends. But def someone has seen/been told more than they should at that age. But for all we know there could be porn on a device that’s been activated etc so many reasons. Don’t freak out or make your son feel he’s done wrong, or make him too scared to talk to you.
I actually can not believe how many people in the comments on Facebook, think that this is normal behaviour. It absolutely is NOT! This is not normal. You would be sick to your stomach. Seek the right advice from brave hearts and go from there. The comments section shows me just how predators get away with these things, there are so many mothers commenting who think this normal behaviour. One commenter who was was an absolute Pig to suggest you are worried about him being gay. What a sick and twisted woman. This wouldn’t even entered your head. Ignore those people. You are concerned because you are a good mum who’s son has just been subjected to this sickening behaviour that is not normal. Good for you for reaching out for help and knowing this isn’t normal. Please make sure you follow this up. If one is being abused, you need to know and keep these boys safe. Never assume anything like this is innocent until
Proven otherwise through the right professionals.
How do you know these 2 boys haven’t been molested by one of the male fathers? This isn’t an attack on anyone but this is a reality that can happen. You need to be careful just incase something has happened. It may very well not have but never think for a minute that it can’t. If the boys are always with their mums so you think nothing could happen. Are both boys left around any fathers? Uncles? Grandpas? It’s sickening to think this way but it’s reality , it happens. Seek professional help on this through bravehearts. Keep your boy close and keep certain things to yourself and professionals until you get some answers. Get your son checked at Drs. Kids are curious but this is not normal behaviour. It’s taught to them by someone. They may also be scared into telling you anything about someone. Just be aware incase. My friend was raped by her father when her mother left for work. It’s sick.
I hope you’re doing okay Mum. It’s been a while, do you have any updates? I feel like this could be a bit of monkey see monkey do. If it’s definitely the other child, it could be one of their older cousins, an uncle, grandfather or even their own father unfortunately that is teaching him this behaviour. Yes, kids explore but age appropriate exploration would be looking. When I caught my 2 kids reenacting a head job at that age, I found out that my daughter had been molested the same way by a 15 year old boy who was at my friends house briefly, we were even outside with them but it was a large property and the predator found a way :(