Hi All
Long story short - what is fair ?
Ex Pays child support Approx $400 month at this point of time. However there has been years where he hasn’t had to pay any due to my income etc etc etc & that’s fine because that’s just how it works.
. I have care of my child 95% of the time & always have since they were 2 & are now 13
For a couple of years(2 years maybe) he was going half in Private school fees but I always felt guilty for asking. OUR Child is now heading to high school and I am looking at both State schools & Private schools.
I know there are so many variables but would it be to much to ask him to go halves on Schooling and impending Braces.
Hubby has bought this subject up as he has been the provider/father figure for this child for the last almost 10 years and thinks if ex can’t even have regular visits (at one stage was almost 2 years between visits) with the child he should be contributing more financially at least .
We are on one income and have other children but are financially ok but if child decides on private school and then also the braces as well , it will obviously take its toll .
He also has another child who also pays child support for .
I don’t want to cause drama between hubby and I or the Ex and I .
What is fair ?
18 Replies
Not much to do with cs is fair. He doesn't have to pay more than what he's paying and I wouldn't enrol her in private education if it was going to cause financial problems or resentment from your husband. That's another issue altogether. Braces, sure as it's something she needs but it would be unfair to let your child choose what school she goes to and then tell ex to cough up. The school she goes to should be a decision the parents make, not the child.
Hubby wants child to go to the Private school - he just thinks bio father should step up and pay as he has been pretty much non existent(on his own accord unfortunately) in child’s life and we have raised her together and given her a good life.
I get where you are coming from 👍🏽 so maybe a yes for braces and no for schooling
It's not your hubby's choice. He can't make a huge decision like schooling for your child then complain about having to support that child. If you and your husband think private is best for your family then that's on you. Imagine your ex enrolled your child in a very expensive school and said to you pay up and if you couldn't afford it made you feel bad for it. He also has another child, like you do, so if he pays for your eldest to go to a private school he will need to do that for the other or cop flack from that one too.
Fair is child support. If you want to ask to contribute to extras you can, as long as you take the yes or no gracefully.
I also think there’s a risk of inviting trouble when you poke the nest for the sake of money, which you may understand more than ex, and he needs to respect if you make that call.
I do get that child support is “fair” (well sometimes) but it really is bare minimum. I suppose if ex wants a better life for his child he would step up parentally & financially (hasn’t in the past 10 years ) but you can only lead a horse to water. Ex has been non existent most of child’s life, even though I have fought for him to have regular contact with child .
I am more leaning towards it’s just not worth the drama with Ex as he isn’t a nice person and would rather not stress about it but that also means Hubby is going to have an issue - we will still pay but I think hubby will hold it against Ex and maybe even me .
Are you working or just your hubby? If you are financially contributing, he will probably not complain as much, but if it's all on him to pay for a child that both bio parents aren't contributing towards, I can see why he would get annoyed. I think when you have a child, you need to support them financially, both parents.
High school is a long six years, even if ex agrees, can he be relied upon long-term?
Imagine your child has to move schools, you wouldn't want that.
I would def try for the braces, ex sounds like a dick.
Yes it is minimum, even though 400 a month is a decent amount. But fair is him paying what has been ordered. You can’t decide he must pay extra, that’s unfair. You have custody, you get the children, you get the ftb, you provide for your children. It just helps you to keep calm in your mind. It must not be easy with your partner in your ear that he should be paying more, perhaps remind him that he also could be paying less. You take care of your child within your means, your partner needs to accept he can’t make plans based on your ex financially contributing.
We don’t get any gov assistance , if that’s what the FTB thing is about - also I don’t have custody - father has just chosen to be non existent.
I think hubby just wants ex to step up as a Parent as he can see it hurts child when there is no contact or very little sporadic contact.
You can’t force that. You build up their self worth by not continually putting the child out there for the parent to reject. They have you and you have your partner, just remember managing the children is your role, not his, because he only sees it from his perspective. His role is to support you.
Agree, no contact is better than sporadic contact, where they feel rejected.
I think you have done your child a disservice by pushing it.
All in or out is the only way and the only chance your child has for not having issues.
Sorry but the post is asking if it’s fair to ask for ex to go halves in Braces & School Fees not if they have done their child a disservice by not cutting ex out completely.
Yeah true, sorry went a bit off topic.
If you and your current hubby decide on private school, then you can’t expect Dad to pay for that.
Braces if they are a medically necessary, expense, I can see the point of asking the other parent to pay, but you’ll have trouble getting him to pay.
She can speak to CSA and might be able to put a claim in through them for the braces. Some health care needs can be claimed in addition to regular child support. I’m not sure exactly what can be claimed, but I found out years afterwards that I could have claimed extra for some of my son’s health care expenses.
Fair enough- I get that . Thank you :)
Fair enough- I get that . Thank you :)
Fair enough- I get that . Thank you :)
I had to pull my daughter from private school once I split with my ex as he wouldn’t contribute more and I couldn’t pay to keep her there it ended up being the best thing we ever did I was so worried for her but she has come leaps and bounds I wouldn’t ask for that as it’s your choice brace’s definitely I struggled with my ex to pay half as he said it was in child support but once I contacted child support they told me it’s under special circumstances and they will look at both your incomes and divide it that way so he would eventually have to pay more- it can take some time that way but once I explained that to him he was happy to pay half as if it went through child support he would of ended up paying more due to his income ( I hope that makes sense ) also depending where u go that have interest free payment plans I’m paying both my kid teeth off this way $20 a week. My ex has his paid his half to them already