I’m about to give up.
I have 3 beautiful little girls, but after years and years and years of having to advocate just to survive, I can’t do it any more.
I’m physically disabled with MS on top of that. The levels of pain I’m in are very severe.
My daughters all have additional needs, we escaped from their dad and DV in 2020. At first I was okay, but over time things got really hard financially.
I have a huge mortgage, but not able to get a rental cheaper than my mortgage, but I’m also not able to get a rental at all because there is pretty much no availability here, and my applications are all declined. Public housing wait is over 8 years.
I can’t move away due to the complications with the children’s father.
I have a car that is the only way we access the outside world, to and from school and appointments. I bought a Toyota because they are meant to be reliable- it now needs an engine rebuild. I tried to talk to Toyota, to tell them my story, seek help. They don’t care. It’s out of warranty so not their problem.
I’m working 3 jobs (one full time 2 casual), their father doesn’t contribute financially at all and is exempt from paying child support because it’s too unsafe.
Because I work 3 jobs I’m not eligible for Centrelink payments.
I struggle to provide food for my children and have clothing and shoes that fit them.
We never go out anywhere special. We never holiday. Take away hasn’t happened in years. No subscriptions services, nothing. All our clothing is from op shops. There are some days my girls don’t go to school because I can’t afford the fuel.
I have NDIS, but it only covers physical help for me and physical therapy costs, which I’m so grateful for.
My youngest is 4, and she has 3 large cavities in her teeth. She is terrified of the dentist so I used every cent I have to take her to the paediatric dentist, to be told she needs to be put under for the treatment which would be no less than $2000 out of pocket.
I dont have that money. So we’re being triaged through the health system, and it’s going to be over a 12 month wait.
My baby girl will remain in agony for at least 12 months all because I cannot afford to get her dental treatment.
I’ve failed.
Ive failed as a mum, as a carer.
I cannot do any more. There are no hours left in the day that I don’t already work, I can’t earn more, I’ve been trying and trying for a promotion but I’m not getting anywhere.
I have no friends or family to help me.
There is no point getting an interest free loan, because I simply don’t have the money to pay it back.
I don’t have a cent in savings. My credit card is maxed out. After 10 consecutive rate rises there is no buffer any more. I can’t afford to live.
We eat from charity boxes and food hubs, there is no Easter or birthdays or Christmas.
I feel like I’m being forgotten by society. I’m invisible. We don’t matter.
Politicians don’t care. Providers of services don’t care. No one cares about us.
There is no future.
All these people who say that I just need to put one foot infront of the other just have no idea what it’s like. The paediatric dentist said it to me today “all this will be a distant memory in the past someday”. Really. REALLY? We will be homeless and starve before that day comes.
I don’t want to do this any more.
My daughters deserve better than this life.
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and have to try and find the energy to keep fighting and advocating for us. I’m so tired. I’m so tired to my core.
I’ve failed. I give up.
I’ve failed. I give up.
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Parenthood Guilt, Money
6 Replies
I so wish I had the answers for you.
A person with MS working three jobs, that is heart wrenching to be honest.
Have faith the wait won't be 12 months, if she's in pain, hopefully they will prioritise her.
If it gets too bad, they're baby teeth, I would go local and see if they can pull the ones giving her trouble out.
I wish I was rich and could send you enough money that you never have to work another day in your life.
As a single mum, I know how hard it is, but you have so many more obstacles.
Wishing you light and love x
Is there room in the house to move in a single mum to help with household bills?
So many without a roof, maybe someone will jump at the chance?
I know my assistant is looking for a roomie now because he can afford the mortgage short term but he knows in a few months he'll be falling under.
Your kids really need you to wake up tomorrow, and every day after.
Are your skills transferable to a new work place to get that promotion?
You have not failed. You’ve just left a shit relationship. You’re going through it. It would have only been two years?? That’s hardly anything, to rebuild a life, single parenting young kids. Doing it alone, house mortgage, jobs, appointments, debts. You’re struggling, but this is the point where people go back because it seems easier - dig deep and push through.
There is public dentist, google and call, they’ll cap her teeth for now if she’s in pain, until surgery. Kids also get $1000 dental every two years, you call and ask if they do the kids Medicare dental scheme and if yes, it’s free and they’ll let you know before that’s run out.
Debt - have you looked at getting your super out early to pay off the debt? If it’s that huge, that might be the kick you need. Also, tax rebates are coming very soon too!
Cost of living is ridiculous for everyone right now. So don’t think it’s just you failing, we’re all feeling it right now. You’re stuck with a mortgage you can’t afford. I agree to rent out a room, or find a way to use your property to make some income. You need to be making more that you’re spending. It seems impossible under debt, but ignore that (even call them and put it all on hold due to financial hardship) just get your bills and food under control first. You have a home for yourself and your kids. You’ve made huge progress from where you were 2 years ago. Don’t forget that! Don’t forget why you’re doing this. I know it shouldn’t be this hard, but you will come out the other side, you’ll get yourself there.
You are one courageous mumma. I take my hat off to you. You have kept going when most wouldn't. Be proud and stand tall. You are so worthy.
You may have already asked... The Smith Family do children's sponsorships. Could they help for the kids school expenses?
Also, can you use the dental hospital? One of my friends got her kids teeth sorted by 4th year students in Brisbane. I know you can also do this in Cairns at the University dental school.
Commonwealth Bank do a DV survivor support program including cash. If you don't bank with them, ring your bank and ask if they do the same. Banks now offer reduced payments/terms for DV survivor mortgage payments/interest rates. Maybe talk to them about this?
It sounds like you have nothing left and time to concentrate on finding solutions is impossible. There is now 10 days paid family violence leave available through ALL employers. Start using this leave to give yourself some time to do the ringing around and appointments.If your employer has over 15 staff this leave is already available. If they are smaller it comes in in August. It is available to casuals as well.
It might also be worth calling 18000RESPECT again and ask for an update on services available. I know the leave provision has only just come in, so there might be other things you can access too.
Please believe you are doing amazing things for your girls. Be kind to yourself as you keep battling. Best wishes.
You feel defeated and I've been there. A single mother who left a DV relationship and he was given an exemption to protect me. I was alone with three kids and broke down because I could not afford to give them christmas presents. These men are the scum of the earth.
I did retrain and went on to a higher income. However there were days when I thought I was just going to walk away from it all. I was done and it would have felt like relief as well as terrified me. My children felt like chain's around my ankles and yet I loved them. Just like you love yours. Don't doubt that or you would have already given up 💗
I am curious about the three jobs as you would be paying extra tax on two of them. If you were able to find one job then things may be a little less hectic but I know this may not be easy x It may even be two jobs give you the same income because of the amount of tax you would be paying.
Please don't ever be too proud to ask for help. I became so closed off to anyone helping me that I did not reach out. I saw a free financial counsellor, think they may be linked to Smith family. Also Centrelink Social worker also made sure I was getting everything I was entitled to.
Some days are just harder than others and sometimes every day becomes hard. Please take those brief moments to sit in the garden or at a park and just breathe. Sometimes we just need to find a few minutes without all the noise.
One day things will not be so hard as kids are only kids once. Your life will change. Talking to someone can help to stop us from meta worrying. There may be struggles but we need to just deal with what is in front of us or it becomes overwhelming. I still struggle as mine are all teens but I am surviving. You will too lovely lady, please do not isolate yourself and feel you have to do all this on your own 💞
You are so strong, it is such a hard situation to be in. I left a DV relationship, 2 kids and a mortgage and additional needs, it’s hard. The barefoot investor helped me sort my finances so I wasn’t in debt and have a little bit of splurge money so we can live our life and not just exist, it takes time but it helped.
I also sat down one day and calculated multiple scenarios out with centrelink options and worked out I was better off not burning out by working full time and parenting full time. A few hours less a week means I can access a part payment of the single parent pension, I only get $80 a fortnight from them but I have a pension card with reduces other costs like rego, rates and electricity. And I have time to take kids to all their appointments.
If your kids have additional needs you may also be eligible for the carer allowance (different to the carer payment and not means tested).
I also got help from the Benevolent Society when my kids were smaller, they helped with child care/kindy, mental health, parenting and they run the SaverPlus program (matching savings for kid’s education).
It is also worth making a call to the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007, their free financial counsellors can help you work out a plan so you don’t feel like you’re sinking all the time, it sucks to feel trapped like this. You are so strong though, you are doing so much and working so hard for your kids. I wish you all the best.