Help I don't know what I need but here's the story. My daughter is 8 and she is so so hard I have her 24/7 her dad works to much to have her. She yells and screams at me will throw stuff, has spat on me but not for a while calls me horrible things, she isn't physically aggressive anymore thank God, but everything is a fight brushing hair, bed time, food if it's not what she wants, I find myself just constantly giving in to her because I can't put up the with the fight I have alot of patience but after 3-4 hours I break and I either yell back or cry. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and pandering to her every wim and desire. My mum always says not to give in but it's not that easy she is so persistent and stubborn and I try to choose my battles but lately it feels like everything is a battle, we have been on the wait list to see the psychologist team since 2021 to get a diagnosis because I know there is more going on, we have had countless suspensions from school and Oosh by the end of every day I'm just broken.
I feel myself slipping down the dark hole of depression again I'm already medicated, I grew up in a very volatile household, my father was very emotionally abusive and violent he also SA me which he is now in jail and gets out at the end of the year. Some of the feelings I go through with my daughter put me back in that place when I was younger the walking on eggshells not wanting to upset her and I find myself feeling like I'm a kid again waiting to turn 18 so I can leave and never look back.
I love her so so much and she can be so very sweet, kind, caring, loving and I wouldn't change her for anything but I guess I'm just struggling with all this everyday and its overwhelming.
8 Replies
You shouldn’t be waiting that long. Get another refersl for different psychologist. Keep ringing them tell them it’s urgent and get on cancelation list.
Ok there’s a few things going on here.
One - you know it yourself, you’re triggered and you need to see psych for yourself in how to deal with that part of all of this, it’s not her fault, and you need ways to deal with that.
Two - not understand her - I don’t know why you’re still on a waitlist, get the gp to refer you to public, it took us 2 months and the assessment has already been done this year. I know it’s not the same everywhere, but the public system is running fine, get onto it. Make the calls, see when her appointment is.
Until you know, I think you need to meet her where she’s at. You say you ‘give in’ after 3-4 hours. That’s not meeting her needs. And I’ll add here, your mum in your ear saying don’t give in isn’t helping, it is very rigid, and two rigid things going up against each other won’t go well.
I think a parenting course would help you as well, all strategies may not help with your girl but at least you know them, and some might work. She may really need her set routine, and simple choices, and a strong connection to mum through her struggles, especially if nan is rigid and dad is absent.
I already see a psychologist once a month, it is the public health system I am waiting for in NSW I've spoken to others in my area and they all had to wait this long we have seen the paediatric team just wait for psychologist she has an appointment in june I can't afford to go private. I do meet her needs majority of the time, but when I said 3-4 hours it's on important things like the other day I needed to get groceries and she didn't want to come to the shop it went on for 3 hours I kept my cool and even offered to buy her hots chips she eventually came around as she wanted the hot chips.
Wouldn't a pediatrician be more qualified to make a diagnosis and medicate than a psychologist?
Sorry if this is an ignorant comment but a psychologist can't even prescribe medication, but obviously can def help with strategies.
Not ignorant at all, they work together. she will need to see a paediatrician and they’ll set up the psych appointments to do any assessments, then back to paediatrician who puts it all together.
Not ignorant at all, they work together. she will need to see a paediatrician and they’ll set up the psych appointments to do any assessments, then back to paediatrician who puts it all together.
Okay, thanks for clarifying.
We have a paed that coordinates everything too, but the other ppl we see are surgeons.
Same type of thing.
Has she had an Occupational Therapist involved? Also involved with the school to assist with some strategies. They could certainly get started on helping with some of that regulating.
She did not want to go somewhere? Does she struggle with change or not being given notice of things you are about to do which then leads into meltdowns?