I'm so lost.
At the start of the month I lost a life long friend to Cancer. She was early 40s with a husband and two young children (12 & 8).
Since she's passed I've lost all interest in everything, I've been ignoring friends phone calls and messages.
I cry at the drop of a hat and I'm finding it hard to be around anyone.
I don't know what to do. Her funeral was so hard, I went alone and then came home and got drunk. At work I pretend to be happy but inside I'm falling apart.
How do I deal with this? Can anyone help me?
7 Replies
I'm sorry for your loss, maybe consider grief counselling with a psychologist.
Start with the GP, there are free plans available.
Grief counselling. My kids needed it after their grandmother passed last year to help them accept it, process and find ways to move forward.
It’s a normal part of grieving. Take your time. Grief has no time limit. Be kind to yourself. Seek professional support and know that your friend would be watching over you, wanting you to live your best life when you are ready. Do things in her memory. If she ever mentioned anything she wanted to do or any places she wanted to visit. You could plan to do something in her memory. Find comfort in making a little space in your home for remember her. A candle and photo. A plant in the backyard. Find your special thing, that brings some comfort. It’s so painful losing loved ones. If you have special handwriting from her, you could get a small tattoo with a small pic of her favourite thing in her memory and get them to photocopy her handwriting , if tattoos are your thing. All these things brought me comfort after losing my 2 best friends and my dad.
Just know, what you are doing is very normal for grieving. I couldn’t face anyone after losing my dad. How could the world go on as normal, when it felt like it should have stopped for him. Grief is so painful, it never goes away, we just learn to live with it more as time goes on 🙏🏼
Plan a night or day to catch up with her husband. Cry it out together and support each other. Knowing he isn’t alone and either are you, will help you both. Be open with him and talk about her all the time. Use her name, don’t avoid it. It helps with the grieving. Even plan a day out with her kids when you are up to it. It will help them and you. Speak to your gp about professional help.
It’s grief. You treat yourself nicely and you take care and find healthy ways to cope with your grief and process the loss.
You have to get that grief out, it turns toxic eventually if you don't.
Just know this. The time is now to start working on that and getting your life back - and doing so does not mean you don't love or miss your friend any less. You know damned well they would be heartbroken to see the pain you're entrenched in.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That is absolutely far too young.
I lost my best friend/sister in law. What you are feeling is still so raw. It has only been less than a month.
Right now you need to give yourself permission to feel however you feel. Cry, scream, write and then rip up those pages and then write again. Whatever it is you need to do to begin processing this hurt x
It's okay to feel sad, to miss her, to not want to see other people etc. It is not okay to stay there forever and at some point you need to go out again. But you know this.
I avoided other people too and there was so much guilt re other family members and feeling like I did not have the right to feel the way I felt. Guilt is a normal part of grief. Do not let it convince you that your pain is any less valid. You all have the right to grieve your own relationship with her.
Right now, focus on just being gentle with yourself and meeting your own needs while you try to process this. One small step at a time 💗