Hi, I’ve been with my partner 20yrs and he has a severe online gambling addiction. It’s been going on for 5+yrs and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m drowning and my anxiety is through the roof
I’ve begged and pleaded and nothing is getting through, we can barely afford rent and running out of money for food. He refuses to see the problem and it often turns into fighting which I no longer want in front of the kids anymore. They are old enough and starting to realise what’s happening. I don’t want to leave I don’t even have anywhere to go, I want to fix it but starting to loose hope it will ever be get better
I dread checking account each week to see what’s gone (joint account) please does anyone have suggestions, looking for helpful things that may get through to him/let him see the problem and maybe address the underlying cause (depression?)
5 Replies
He won't change because you won't go.
He loses nothing by continuing on this trajectory and, don't fool yourself. He WILL drag you and the kids through poverty because it's easier than having to address the issue behind it.
Get help, or pack up your crap and leave. That's what I'd be saying.
Make him change banking, take his card and give him an allowance, internal withdrawal to require both signatures....
He won't change. You need to make changes and separate your financial assets. If you have a joint account, set up another and move funds quickly. Do not have your pay go in there at all. All government payments go into the other account. If he wants to pass his money away, fine. You need to deny access completely.
Leave.
He’s the only one that can see it and make a change. The only option you have is to split accounts and kick him out until he can see the problem. Addictions are just that and you have to have a zero tolerance policy as your kids and yourself have to be looked after. Been there and trust me it won’t get better by you asking, begging or fighting. He has to go and that’s the only hope he’ll wake up to the issue. As long as you enable it by staying with him it won’t change
I've been going through this for 16 years my partner is a gambling addict it never changes unless they admit they have a problem. We have been through councelling and other things now I control all the money but nothing has really changed ever. He will get money Tuesday for petrol and stuff by Wednesday he has nothing left and he's asking for more and just makes up excuse after excuse about what's happened to the money. Some weeks I have to sell stuff to live. It's a terrible way to live but I can't afford to leave where in so much debt and stuff but I'm hoping to get out soon.