Am I being high maintenance or are my thoughts and feelings valid?
Been seeing a guy for a few months. Over the last few weeks I've really noticed his lack of oral hygiene. His bottom teeth are actually cheesy and thick. I may have been blunt when I brought it up, gave him examples of how he is spending a lot of money on his car but hasn't seen or booked a dentist appointment. We are mid 30s and I understand life is busy. I myself need to see a dentist but brush and floss twice a day. I have tried subtle hints and we've spoke in conversation about it as his sister is also a dental assistant. It's a big thing for me as I have to kiss him and mentioned oral hygiene is Important but he still got offended. I've been divorced, and we both have children so why can't I have standards and bring it up without someone getting upset? I feel I shouldn't have to but I did because it's making me not want to kiss him at the end of the day when he visits and I know he definitely has not brushed his teeth from the night before? Thank you.
Oral hygiene as an adult
Oral hygiene as an adult
Posted in:
Self Care
6 Replies
Oral hygiene seems to be slipping in general.
I see quite a few people now under 30 with thick plaque and discoloured teeth. I don't know if it's a socio-economic thing but even at work (and it's a reasonably well paid industry) it's pretty apparent.
I don't think you did the wrong thing bringing it up, and the fact he's getting upset instead of doing anything tells me this relationship has run its course.
It's definitely OK to have standards!!! And hygiene of any kind is a very basic one to have. Someone else may not care as much about it, but I would feel the same as you. You've brought it up and now if he doesn't have a response to it or act on it, there's your answer
It’s ok to have standards, but I think you’ll have to realise he’s 30 something and this is him - take it or leave it.
Don't try to change him, it doesn't work, if you aren't okay with who he is today, break up.
He doesn't meet your 'standards'.
Teeth are a deal breaker for me..... I don't know why, it just wigs me out. I really liked a guys, he was hot, we got on really well, but the thought of kissing that mouth with a big black rotting tooth made me gag. He had money, a lot of it... could have fixed it, but no...
I'd try bringing it up again with a little more sensitivity.
Oral hygiene isn't always about money/laziness.
I'm actually in the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis, oral/personal hygiene has always been a struggle for me - partly due to the sensory side of it, partly because of remembering to do it.
As an example - I hate the way minty toothpaste makes my mouth feel, I hate that it's all I can taste for the next hour, spit and saliva makes me want to gag, the toothbrush bristles against my gums gives me that cold shiver feeling like nails on a chalk board but then I also hate having furry, dirty teeth.
Then there's remembering. There has been many times where I've been going about my day and I've had this horrible realisation that I forgot to brush my teeth or put deodorant on.
My mother used to bring this up with the sensitivity of a blunt axe, this was something I already felt shame about because these things all seemed perfectly easy for other people - so I would get angry and defensive when she'd bluntly tell me I stunk or that my teeth were disgusting.
It can also be the way people are raised. I met my partner when we were 20, he didn't own a toothbrush. He hadn't had one in his entire life and he had 4 younger siblings at home who also had never owned a tooth brush, fortunately my partner's teeth were in good shape but his siblings all had rotted teeth, his parents had no teeth left - it was just one of those things they didn't see the point of!
I introduced him to the idea of oral hygiene, he is now meticulous with his dental health.