How do I help my teen who was sexually abused

Hi Mums,
Please be gentle as this is already hard enough. I am needing someone to tell me this does get better.
My 13yo daughter came out at Xmas that she has been getting sexually abused for the past few years while at the other parents house on his weekends.
She was extremely brave and made the report with police and was booked into therapy immediately.

I was completely heartbroken with the news, and went into full blown protect mode. I quit my job to be with her all the time, removed all her social media, started her school year 5 weeks late just so I could be there for her. To be honest, she seemed okay, still my totally normal 13yo lapping up days of excessive shopping, pedis, manis, movies, and quality one on one mum and daughter time, in between therapy. We became so close, and she would tell me all the gossip and anything “naughty” she done. While I was shocked with some things, it was all pretty harmless and I loved how close we were.

Up until this point, she was a shy girl, quite awkward, perfect behaviour at school etc. As the months have gone on, she has become a completely different child. She has since had her first school suspension, self harming (seems to have stopped now) she’s lying, taking things of her siblings that arn’t hers. Sneaking energy drinks, tried alcohol and a vape with her friends for the first time ever. She has become extremely rude, only being somewhat polite when she wants money or to have sleepovers. But as soon as she’s not getting her own way she is rude, yelling at me, refuses to talk to me, just an absolute nightmare for anyone including her siblings to be around. This whole time we have continued therapy and I’ve been keeping in checks with the therapist making sure I’m doing all the right things to help, but honestly it’s only getting worse.

I have been lenient/turning a blind eye almost and simply just excusing all behaviour due to the horrible trauma she has endured, -however I don’t know how much longer I can continue to do it for. I know she’s had a horrible traumatic year, and her life will never be the same. I also can see she is using my heartbreak for her- when she pleases. She’s become quite mean with the things she says when she doesn't get her own way or turns things back on me.

What makes this harder is, I’ve recently found goodbye letters to me and her siblings suggesting she can’t cope and wants the pain to end. This absolutely shattered my heart into a million pieces. I let her therapist know and scheduled an immediate appt. “They” are currently working through this and the therapist let me know while she does have a “plan”, she is also excited for a million things with her friends and at this point it’s only thoughts….

I feel like I’m stuck with no way out. I’ve booked her into extra private therapy. Offered a thousand different services for her to call/txt face to face if she feels up to it. I’m scared to give her tough love on her behaviour because of these letters. But I also can see , she is playing on my heartbreak for her and using to when she does not get her own way. It’s hard to tell when it’s trauma related or just being a teenager pushing boundaries. I’m in no way downplaying her trauma, I just need to know, is it okay to give some tough love and consequences for her behaviour while all of this is happening and her suicidal thoughts? I don’t want to push her over the edge but I also don’t want her to make terrible choices which will affect her later in life. It feels like she hates me and I’m up most nights in tears wondering how I get my girl back.