Struggling, but proud mum.

I'm struggling!

I'm struggling and I don't know where to seek out the help I need, Ive had child protection involved in my family for easily 2 years now if not more, although no one likes having CP involved I tried hard to keep telling myself that I am doing the best I can, I accepted any ideas, programs, referrals to specialist for all three kids honestly some part of there involvement was a relief like my kids were going to be able to access things I could never provide. My eldest is 15 and Ive worked since a baby, I was 17 and rented my own home and lived as "an adult" in DV relationships right up until 2021. CP removed my children and it was the worst thing that had ever happened I was broken. I worked so hard, so fast to have them home. I got 2 back, and was refused the eldest as they were split up when removed. I'd rarely spent a day away from him it was slowly numbing me, my progress and I felt like we couldn't start healing until we had him home. CP made some accusations at best that will stick with me for life, I started to give up hope that he would be home. Nearly a year since I seen him or spoke to him and the universe and the best judge I've ever had placed him back in my care on a tight order. WE'RE WHOLE AGAIN, IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD AND WHOLE. But I am so scared to ask for help, support, or anything in fear of it being used against us, we where promised so much to help with reunification, bed, clothes, food vouchers until I can get a payment from Centrelink for him. I stupidly asked for a food voucher from them the day he was returned as I was honestly not prepared for that outcome. 12 days later alot of excuses and what felt like judgement, that anxious feeling creeps back up and I'm scared again. I organised a bed, clothes for a teenager, school stuff everything they said they'd support us with because after the third time of asking, I feel embarrassed and like I should be able to provide.
Does anyone know of any churches or organisation I can access for food or assistance until my claim is assessed with Centrelink? I've been to the local community house and they gave us a 1 litre milk and bread and a thing of vegimite. Is there anywhere I can access free fruit or veggies to fill them up? I won't take what I won't use or don't need..
I understand CP, there cause loads, there limitations ECT what I don't understand is the pressure they put on me to be able to cope, mentally, emotionally and financially when the supports they've promised and actually court ordered to provide, yet here I am asking for help from the imperfect mum community in tears. I don't think I'm entitled to anything in this world, or that my situation is worse then anyone elses. Sorry for the long post, I'm not asking for anything, except maybe some suggestions or advice. Xx