I have been on and off with my partner since October last year. He came back home in Dec to make it work but lastes until Feb. During this time I found out I was expecting our 3rd bub together (we have been together for 9yrs and have a 3 and 5 yr and now a 3 week old) I was going to terminate because I just couldn't think of doing it a third time I have very bad pregancies and all bubs are premie. We get along sometimes but fight when he just wants to be around part time or for a few hours at a time. My family loves close so he expects them to fill his shoes which is not fair. I'm very independent and to be honest I have done most of the raising myself and always been the bread winner. He was thankfully at the birth and stayed for a week afterwards but our bub was premie so she has just come home and he has been to visit twice. I'm exhausted and have had Max 5hrs sleep since Wednesday and still trying to be there for my other two little ones. He came today to visit but as soon as the kids went to sleep he left me with a crying 3 week old and today I feel sick and sore and just wanted some moral support and help from the father of the kids. He says he loves me and wants to come home but doesn't and it's all Bull. He likes the idea but when it comes to it he doesn't. Tonight he said deal with it you wanted to have her good luck and I honestly am done and just want him out of lives so there is the added stress. Question to the single mummas out there how did u survive the nights I'm so scared of sleeping that I wont wake up for her every 3hrs even with alarms set (I missed her 5am feed last night and woke up at 6.30 to my 3 yr old and feel terrible) is there anything I can get him to wake and see what he is losing before it's too late or am I right in thinking I'm wasting my time and energy and should just move on, but who is going to want a single mum with her own business and 3kids and one being a bub
7 Replies
My son was in special care for two months after birth. He was nil by mouth due to aspiration. He only came home because I learned to insert the NG tube. I was doing four hourly tube feeds around the clock, and barely getting any sleep. It wasn’t until we had a home visit from a MCH nurse, that I got asked why I was doing four hourly feeds. Because he was tube fed we knew exactly how much formula he needed, so the nurse said to do bigger feeds more frequently during the day. He started sleeping better at night, which then meant I was sleeping better. My marriage ended when my son was about 3 months old. There were other things going on, but the final straw was when I asked my ex to get up and do a feed because I was so exhausted I couldn’t get my eyes to open. He did nothing but whinge and b*tch the whole time he fed and changed bub. Are you able to increase the daytime feeds so you can cut back the nighttime feeds? I’m assuming bub wasn’t fussed with missing the 5am feed, if you slept through till 6.30?
No, you can’t wake him up or grow him up. He is what is, which seems like a total wanker.
The best thing about splitting is coparenting. You’ll get time for peace and sleep, if he does want to parent, even every second weekend for one night. Sounds pathetic right, but take what you can get. And if you have family, ask them as well. One really good sleep can really make up for a lot.
It’s honestly harder when you’re with a drop kick like this than when you’re single. He’s exhausting you. And you’re not asking for help because of him supposedly being around.
Who's going to want a single, business running mum of 3???
Sweetheart, you need to stop thinking like that! Having this mindset is only going to keep you stuck with this deadbeat or get you mixed up with a new and exciting bunch of deadbeats because that's all you think you deserve!
Know your worth, mate! You're not some broken down, liability of a person with all this baggage - you are a God damn queen who shouldn't tolerate anything less than a respectful, loving, healthy and committed relationship. You also need to learn how to be content and whole as a single person, when you're fulfilling all your own needs you don't look to idiot men to fill these holes.
Bite the bullet and put an end to this! This man doesn't love you, I don't say that to be cruel I say that so you stop buying into his manipulation tactics. His actions are telling you everything you need to know...
Your kids don't need this tension the fighting and the instability either.
Actions speak louder than words and his actions say he is a bleep. If your baby was not crying, then your baby was okay. I would put the last feed as late as you want to stay awake. If you have family/friend support, how about asking for mum, sister or other to come and stay for a night just so you can catch up on some sleep? Maybe even a week just until you get a routine established?
I raised my children by myself because my ex was pretty absent with his head stuck in a racing guide and would never get up to them. I had 3 under 4. I left him when the youngest was approx 8 years. My only regret is I did not leave him sooner.
Omg what a pig. Do not take him back. Firm boundaries from now on. There’s decent men out there. Focus on your kids and yourself. You will find your happiness!
U need to make your life easier. Get rid of him. One less worry. Also, why you setting alarms every 3 hours? Is it something you have to do because she’s a premmie? Otherwise, sleep mumma!!!! She will wake when she’s hungry and don’t worry, you’ll hear it. Us mums have an inbuilt sensor for those things 👍🏻
He's showing you who he is, listen to him!
If his children don't make him change, nothing will!
You're doing great, don't doubt yourself xoxo