My 11 year old is being relentlessly teased for not having a fancy water bottle (she is the only one in her classroom who does not own one of these bottles, they cost $60each, I would be able to afford it, but I just think it is a silly amount of $ for a school bottle). These girls used to be her friends and we have had lots of occasions of teasing, bullying etc - so my daughter basically decided to move on and found herself another group of friends to hang out with. This new group has been fantastic for her, genuinely nice girls that are more her kind of people. But now she is coming home in tears pretty much every afternoon, the old group of friends keep teasing/annoying her about the bottle.
I had a quick word with the teacher and she seems to think this is normal, as they are Year 5 girls they should be getting used to the bullying that will happen once they start high school. I do not agree, I feel like kicking up a stink on the parents group chat (something in the lines of: “please tell your daughters to stop teasing people over water bottles!”) but I think it will do more harm than good.
My daughter just wants to use her piggy bank savings and buy one, but I think once she “fits in” by having the drink bottle, they will find something else to tease her about.
My daughter has the Kmart look-alike bottle ($15) and these girls now also tease her for having the “Kmart dupe”, saying it every time they spot her drinking from her bottle. It sounds so petty and silly, but it is really affecting my daughter.
I don’t think buying her the $60 bottle is the way to go, that means the bullies won and they’ll probably move on to another target or tease her for another reason!
What do I do?
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36 Replies
I’m a teacher and No, you don’t excuse bullshit behaviour. The girls who all wear their hair the same and all have frank green bottles are cliquey and petty and exclude others. Buying her a stupid expensive bottle, or telling her to toughen up for high school (seriously?!!) isn’t the answer.
I think a less aggressive post in the parents group will help. "Hey everyone. Just wondering if anyone elses child is having problems with being bullied over petty things like water bottles? Just about had enough as its been going on for a while and if it continues we will have to let the principal know. I just can't believe how crazy the world is now, kids worried about what kind of water bottle other kids have haha."
That might get them asking their kids questions like if they have been bullied and who is doing it to who. Most kids calm down when they know parents are discussing what they are doing.
Oops sorry I got carried away, let me be constructive. Do not go to the parents or post online. Go to the teacher again; this time be firm in saying what behaviours you want handled. And if the same response, go above the teacher, to the principal. You don’t excuse bad behaviour. And pointing out peoples water bottle brand is terrible behaviour.
I think bringing it up with other parents in a non confrontational, not blaming anyone way is good. It gets them talking to their kids about it when they wouldn't otherwise know. Some kids are going to bully no matter what and some will be horrified to know their parents might find out what they are up to. If it goes to the Principal and they take it seriously they are contacting the parents anyway and it would be more stressful than a fb post that may or may not be aimed at their child. They're more likely to butt heads with the school because they will be sticking up for their child.
My 13 year old was only one at school without a phone. Don’t care what others think and neither did she. I told her to look at these girls and see what they are doing with their lives on their phones and take a look at their attitudes and the trouble they get into sending photos and bullying etc. These girls are entitled and have no idea about the real World. I’d never let my daughter have a $60 bottle and she works at times earning good money. I say to my kids, if you could feed a poor family or a
Village with this drink bottle or buy this drink bottle for yourself, while the poor family or village goes hungry. What would you do.? How would you feel knowing you have a $60 drink bottle while the village starved. When you could have got the $2 one and still fed the poor people.
This sticks with my kids and they don’t care about prices or material things. They don’t care what others think. Tell your daughter these girls are entitled and there is nothing wrong with her drink bottle and the cost of hers doesn’t matter. It’s not about the cost. It’s about hydration and that’s about it! Drink as much as she wants proudly from her drink bottle and ignore them. They are the type of girls, she needs to keep away from.
My kids are kinder and so much more appreciative by not having all this expensive crap that they don’t need. My kids are teens and still happy to go to the shops with $2 each they get excited.
Tell your daughter not the change a thing about it! She isn’t the one who needs to change, it’s the bullies that need to change.
My kids went to primary school in an affluent area. We're a lower income family, by no means hard done by but we have to spend sensibly.
If I had a dollar for every time my kids were teased/relentlessly bullied because they didn't have some stupidly expensive on trend item - I could afford my own Frank Green 🙄
One of my girls got absolutely trolled during the Jojo Siwa craze because her bow wasnt a "jojo bow", it was from Kmart.
We laugh about it now because jokes on the utter fools who spent $20 odd bucks on a bit of ribbon glued to a hair clip but it broke her little heart at the time.
Funnily enough, this bullshit actually died down when my kids got to high school. From all accounts, no one really cares about brand name stuff anymore.
I wouldn't post to the parents group, as much as I wholeheartedly get how satisfying that would be - realistically, these parent probably won't be receptive to your request.
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That is funny you noticed that it went away during high school, that would be because the bullies that are ready to punch your face wouldnt have fancy stuff lol. So they wouldn't want to be the snobby kids making fun of someone's water bottle.
Don’t buy her a bottle instead use this as an experience to teach her that. We don’t change something because others don’t like it. We don’t let others opinions affect us.
1 we don’t care what bullies say to us, this is their problem, not mine.
2. Be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t let anyone else tell you who you should be or what you should have. Keep being you and doing what you do. Be an original, not a copy! Just be yourself.
3. If having something expensive makes them feel worthy, then they are in for a big shock in life. Their parents are in for a rude shock.
4.. Never be afraid to be yourself. Stand up to them and tell them, I like my drink bottle and if you have an issue with it then I suggest some psychological help. It doesn’t bother me and I love it. So I’m not sure how it would bother you.
5. Just be yourself kiddo and stand out from the rest! Don’t cave. Having an expensive drink bottle
Doesn’t mean they are better than anyone else. It means their parents are keeping up with everyone else and aren’t raising them to treat others with kindness and respect. Look what it does to them. I’d take the cheap Kmart one anyday.
I would have bought the bottle. Let her use her pocket money or buy it as a birthday gift.
Kids are ruthless. This isn’t new. In my day it was the shoes or the surf clothes or the school bags.
These things may not be important to us but at this moment it is to her. She may even embellish the “bullying” as a means to get the item because it is her desire to have one.
It is ok that she wants to fit in. Definitely appropriate to have conversations around standing up for yourself and a Kmart drink bottle is the same as an expensive one.
But she also should have some control and responsibility over what she spends her pocket money on.
Yeah I agree with this.
All this heartache and the problem is so easily fixed.
If she wants it, she can spend her money on it.
This way she can learn if it is worth following the trends and being broke and unable to buy things you really want from an early age.
In financial planning we talk about there always being a trade-off.
If you want this, then you can't have that, what is your priority?
You can die on this hill and have an extremely distraught child whose education is probably being affected (learning is the priority for me) or you can just let her buy the damn bottle.
Next thing that comes along, if she has the money, she can decide again if it's worth it.
I'm sure she's a quick learner.
I agree and as a teen who was in her position...just buy her the bottle. It's not a hill worth dying on.
I wouldn’t buy her the bottle. I would sit her down and explain to her how we shouldn’t do things to please others like this as in buy expensive things. Explain there is nothing wrong with her bottle but she has money there and she chooses to buy one just because she wants to fit in them you. Explain to her that what they say, isn’t an ugly trait and she chooses to still want to buy it let her if hers her money but I wouldn’t. I don’t cave to bullies and I have taught my kids not to.
You can explain til the cows come home. You go do you!
This kid may not even be being bullied. She just may want others have. And that’s ok too.. fitting in is not caving to bullies!
You can’t put an old head on a young body.
Buy the drink bottle.
Let her decide what she spends her pocket money on!
Guide her around individuality and self expression but don’t force it!
By the way, these bottles are rare at school, fortunately, it’s not like they all have them. I mean, the price is bloody ridiculous, there’s a very small group and let’s be honest if their friend couldn’t get one then they’d tease them as well; that’s why their friend has it. I would put the choice in your kids hands. Give a kid $40 and ask them if they want to save more for the bottle or spend it and 100% they won’t choose the bottle. They then know at school they could’ve had one but they didn’t want the bottle.
They're not rare at school at all. A lot of kids have a Frank Green or a Yeti. It's the only two brands of water bottles you see!
I don’t know what school you go to, but that’s ridiculous to say. Maybe your eyes only see expensive brands as brands.
My kids high school of course! What other school would I be talking about? Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's rare. I do notice these things as the water bottles are so ridiculously big.
Different commenter: I take my high school kid to school every day and high schoolers don't carry their drink bottle in their hand.
How would you even know what they have in high school?
I think you're both full of BS.
Most high schoolers don't even take lunch.
I feel so old. In the 80's I don't even really remember having a water bottle. We used to drink from the bubblers. There was no such thing as even bottled water. If we went somewhere for the day Mum would pack the big insulated Coleman type jug with the spout that lifted up and cups. We didn't even have the sports bottles until the 90's i remember thinking they were cool because you didn't even have to open them with your hands just use your teeth! How did we not all die from dehydration? Maybe that's why I'm so onto my kids about taking water everywhere haha.
I have an expensive water bottle. I won't say the brand but it isn't Frank Green. It is hands down the BEST purchase I've made in years. To have a water bottle that actually keeps ice and my water cold and doesn't leak or break if I drop it is amazing. I would do some more research into it but having a really good water bottle is always worth the money imo.
Is it a yeti?
Over the child's school life, it's probably a better investment to get a good one.
Everyone here is assuming the kids with them have parents keeping up with the Jones, but maybe, they want their kids to have cold water all day and feel it's a cheaper option long term.
As an adult, I agree that a good quality drink bottle is worth the expense, but for children it’s not worth it. I lost count of the number of drink bottles, lunch boxes and containers, and hats that were stolen out of my kid’s school bags while they were in class. I certainly couldn’t afford to replace expensive drink bottles that were stolen or lost.
At most schools having something stolen from your school bag is a very rare occurrence.
In the 20 years I've had children in school, it's never happened and the issue has never been raised.
Is it a low socio-economic school or is your child being targeted for some reason?
Or are they losing this stuff and lying to you?
Even if stealing is not a common problem, I have never known a child to be good with water bottles. I worked as an EA for 3 years before brand name water bottles was a priority for primary school kids. Water bottles were a problem back then they had a designated spot for them in the class so they weren't getting left behind and spilt, had to be labelled and teachers made it clear they were the students responsibility. Kindy and PP parents were asked not to bring them at all because they were a headache with kids losing them, spilling them, squirting them and kids sharing them. I can only imagine the nightmare of adding expensive water bottles to the mix and the angry parents that demand staff watch their kids water bottles. Wouldn't be surprised if they start banning them.
It's never been an issue for my kids, maybe they are the exception or their teachers had better systems in place.
Never lost a lunch box either.
I'm not sure what "better systems" you can have for water bottle storage but I can bet they aren't wasting any time on caring about them and if they are, they are resenting it.
My kids, in 20 years, haven't lost or had a water bottle stolen.
I replace them when they get old.
I don't know what their system is, but from what you are saying, with all your lost/stolen ones, it must be a hell of a lot better than what's going on where you are.
I don't even know if they have a "system" lol
I could safely buy an expensive one, never have, because my kids have never asked/cared about their water bottle, and not worry about losing it.
Not sure how hard that is to understand.
I also went to school for many years with a water bottle and never remember it being an issue.
I too don't remember there being a system there.
I find it hard to believe that teachers are secretly resenting water bottles daily.
When my kids were in daycare, it also wasn't a problem, but no doubt it had to be managed there as kids are so little.
I wasn't aware there was a water bottle war going on in schools.
Oh and where I come from, we call them drink bottles, is water bottle the modern term now?
I live in a hot climate and in primary school, my kids they kept them in the fridge in the classroom, high school in their bag, that's all the details I know.
I live in WA and call them water bottles, not sure if its an area thing but it doesn't matter lol. Fridges are too small for 30 water bottles, that's why there's a huge craze with insulated ones and to add to that, its kind of pointless putting an insulated water bottle in a fridge. They would just go in a tray on a bench. I'm so super pleased your kids are so great with water bottles, you must be really proud.
Let her buy it with her own money.
Kids learn best from experience...
A. The best way to learn about how not to waste money is by wasting money. If she comes to regret dropping $60 on an extravagant purchase, it'll help her make smarter choices in future.
B. These girls are probably going to continue being asshats to her with or without the drink bottle. So she's also probably going to learn the hard way that keeping up with the Joneses rarely appeases bullies.
Or C. This drink bottle solves all her problems, in her mind it was $60 well spent and her school life becomes a little more tolerable.
She's what 10 or 11? There will be plenty more teachable moments in her future and they won't be issues that $60 can fix.
A huge part of raising tweens/teens is picking your battles, this one is probably not worth fighting.
Well said, I'm hoping for C.
I would be guided by your daughter. If she wants one to fit in I would just buy it. Of course have the talk about not doing things to fit in and yes it’s ridiculous but that’s life and it’s probably affecting her mental health. Same goes for shaving legs, waxing eyebrows etc etc. She will eventually learn to be an individual.
I wouldn't go to the group chat. I would talk to her teacher again and ask what she is going to do to help your daughter, if you get the same response. Go to the principal. Then go to the education department. This is not on. She is coming home from school upset and crying.
The whole school should be getting a talking to on bullying at assembly
Buy her the drink bottle!
I don't agree with the bullying and they probably will find something else to bully about but it's something your daughter wants. It's obviously important to her at this time so let her buy one?
Take it above the teacher, what a gutless human.
For your daughter, explain that this is just the start of her introduction to "trends" and that before long those $60 bottles will be OP shop fodder.
To decide wisely those trends she wants to invest in, because advertising will have her believe she needs them all - and those bullies, they're the girls dumb enough to fall for it. Mindless Lemmings.
Someone who cares about the philosophy behind the brand wouldn't carry on at someone that doesn't have it.