My kids quit everything and don’t want to do anything! I have 3 kids and each one has quit every single thing either at school or extra cuticular after school activities. Choir, school sports, instruments, soccer, football, guides, dancing. Even thought they begged and just haaaaaaaaad to do it! They refuse to do homework. They just do bare minimum with everything and that’s it. I know that these are things that they don’t have to do, but when you say, “if I sign you up you have to go each and every week” then they say “yep I definitely will, pleeeeeeease mum”. Then half way through they just say, Nup I’m not going anymore. Then it’s embarrassing to msg saying oh sorry, xx won’t be doing it anymore sorry, especially the team sports. They always refuse to go. Even homework, Nup I’m not doin it. Are my kids going to always be quitters?! It’s hard watching all their friends and family etc exceed and my kids just don’t care about anything.
8 Replies
Mine are as well. I think some kids find school already enough structured activity for their plate. And I think it’s fair enough. Every now and then they get an idea of doing something, but when they go they soon realise it’s not what they expected, the funs knocked out with rules and instructions. Just encourage non organised hobbies. Skating, swimming, ninjas park, rock climbing, whatever it is. You can even sketch the hour into your schedule and have them decide what they’ll do if you want to foster routine and dedication and motivation and commitment. I wouldn’t worry about quitting, I think quitting what doesn’t serve you is something this gen is going to use to their advantage.
Some of those kids exceeding don't get the choice. I know of a few where their time is so structured from a young age they don't know HOW to be anything else. In the end, it won't make much difference.
A lot of the activities are so competitive and the pressure to perform is immense, so that it makes enjoyment difficult. My daughter does dance, but we can only manage supporting one style for now, and she's on the peripherals and falling behind because she doesn't do multiple dances/compete/performance troupe.
As for the refusal, I think sticking to commitment is important unless it's detrimental to you of course! We use the rule that if you drop out or refuse to do homework, you won't get another chance at something else for the rest of the year, or access to screens (they're not dropping out/refusing to do homework to look at screens!). They can go outside and do something physical, or read.
Not having to drive kids around to multiple sports and appointments is not always a bad thing though!
Quitting because?
They don’t enjoy it?
They are not good at it?
Are they lazy?
Devices?
How old are they?
I think accountability is a really important.
I also think inner drive and motivation are important qualities to nurture.
I would press finishing the season. I also wouldn’t allow them to try anything else until that ended.
I felt like I had to have my kids doing after school activities and sports on weekends but it was not worth it at all, we were struggling to pay for it all and it caused so much stress rushing around from one place to the other. I had one child with severe anxiety that had meltdowns regularly and I just had an epiphany one day, like why am I doing this? I just started planning activities week to week on the weekends according to our budget and the weather. All doing the same thing as a family not stressing about who needs to be where and when and always watching the time. School afternoons are relaxing! One of the best things I have ever done. I'm not sure why there's so much pressure on families to do all this stuff, sometimes you have to weigh up the positives and negatives to see if you're doing this because its good for them or you're doing it to try and keep up with the ridiculous standards we have for parents these days.
You need to put them in the car and drive them there for the duration of what the committed to. Dressed or not. They made the commitment now make them go. If they are too big and refuse to get on the car. Take the WiFi off them. It still no glory, take the devices or whatever is the currency. You need to step up. This is a parent problem.
If they commit to a teamsport they see the season through, you have to enforce this as a parent. Allowing them to be quitters and not push through when things are hard has to come from the parents.
My kids don’t get the choice to quit, if they sign up and I pay then they finish the season. They don’t get the option to let the team down. I don’t care if they decide half way through that it’s not for them. They made a commitment, they honour it.
That can choose not to sign up the next season but we do not allow them to quit half way and let a team down.
Have you looked into the idea that they might have ADHD? people with ADHD are notorious for not being able to finish projects, getting bored 3/4 of the way through (or in my case, not knowing how to perfectly complete it, so I don't)
Why are they quitting? Maybe the best answer they can articulate is 'I don't wanna', but there is going to be a more specific reason.
What do they do during the time they're supposed to be at their activity? Whatever they want? Don't do that. Plan out a specific thing that they have to do during an activity's time if they 'quit'. Be it playing outside without tech, or reading a book, cooking / baking, developing a different skill.
It may also be worth looking at getting them to prove their commitment to the new activity first. Want to play soccer, great. You've got to spend an entire term, during the times they'd be doing soccer training, practising outside on their skills. During the time they'd be playing matches, they have to go down and watch the match.