I've recently found out my ex partner of 4yrs ( live in, step father to my 3 children ) is in a relationship with my primary school child's teacher.
We separated 18months ago and it was very sudden, he came home happy then 1hr later decided we weren't for him. We never fought. He left without saying anything to my children ( they loved him and thought they had a good relationship with him ) it was a very traumatic time for myself and my kids, we are still healing. The school was informed of the situation when it happened due to the impact it made on our family.
I found out the information from my child that gets taught by the teacher in question. I've since found it to be true.
Is this classified as a conflict of interest?
Should I have been notified and given the option to change my child's class?
I communicate on a daily basis with this teacher and feel very upset that they know who I was to their new partner and the impact made on my child. Personal life is personal life, however, I feel I should of been able to prepare my child and myself with the fall back of this situation. My child already suffers from self esteem issues and is now questioning why he isn't good enough but his teacher and her kids are for my ex.
10 Replies
Should you be notified? Probably not, a private life is a private life.
However. How does your kid know who her partner is? Are they making it obvious?
Move your kid, if noone has before make sure to tell them that relationship breakdowns are solely the realm or grown ups and that kids are not the reason for them.
You didn't know or pick up on anything, so sounds like the teacher is a true professional and has not let this impact her job or the way she deals with you or your child.
In this case, no, unless you are unhappy with her performance.
And I don't think he made this decision in 1 hour.
I also think it's in the best interests of your children long term for him to walkaway and cut all ties, as they aren't his kids and you were only together for 4 years.
You also need to emphasize to your child that he was just your boyfriend and him leaving was due to your relationship not working and nothing to do with him.
It's always good to try and keep a "space" between boyfriends and kids and make sure they're aware it isn't their dad, so they aren't too heartbroken if it doesn't work out.
THis is why I cringe at the posts where mum goes all in, wants kids to call bf "dad", wants him to adopt them etc.
Only together 4 yrs? Half my child's life he was living here, while only 4yrs may be nothing to you it was alot to us. Alot of things happened in that 4yrs, love and trust. While I understand what you're saying about being cringe of parents expecting kids to call new partners mum/dad, I agree with you. This was not the case. My kids see their dad most days as well. But this man meant alot to all of us. As far as explaining to my children that it wasn't their fault, I tried however the ex told people it was because of my kids and people stupidly said it in front of them. Obviously I've tried to keep the post short and to the point, there's alot of other background stuff I didn't post. Another child of mine thought it was his fault he suddenly left and tried to commit suicide. Like I said, the whole ordeal was very traumatic for us all and the school had been notified.. councilling sessions and so forth for us all. I don't have a problem with the teacher, I think she is doing a great job with my child.. this is about my child knowing his teacher is with someone who abandoned him with no warning. He didn't even say goodbye to the kids, left 1 week before Xmas... left them a Xmas card with $100 each saying have a great Xmas... refuses to acknowledge them in public when they wave to him. There were no signs that he was this kind of person otherwise I would never have invited him to live with us. As far as the teacher, she has always had another teacher with her when I've had parent teacher interviews with her and I found this very weird as she didn't with other parents I know. It's obvious why now. She communicates with me on a daily basis, I think she is lovely and feel incredibly sorry for her and her children having this man in their lives. This post isn't about me getting my nose out of place... more the welfare of my child when we've worked so hard to build his confidence back to suddenly now with this information he is saying things like I'm dumb, I'm stupid and being down overall.
I'm sorry you can't see from a child's point of view... either you don't have kids or you are fortunate enough to still be with your child's father... 4yrs is a long time for me and my children... I don't just invite anyone into my family home.
*added... we live in a very large populated area, I knew he was seeing someone from the beginning of the yr, just didn't know who as we have mutual friends.. I believe I should've been told from the start so I could make the decision to change schools or move classes before this teacher/ student bond was made.
I'm sorry to hear about your son trying to commit suicide.
Actual bio parents divorce every day and although it is traumatic (i've been through it), suicide is not a typical response, especially since your kids have a bio dad.
You also say that you speak to the school every day regarding your other child.
It sounds like your kids have some pretty severe underlying issues? But sounds like you're doing everything to support them x
Maybe your kid's severe issues are the reason he left, but he's a jerk to voice that.
I am getting the feeling this situation is much more complicated than it seems, giving your children's struggles, so you are right, it would have been better that the school notified you and gave you the option to change classes.
If you’re going to feel physically and emotionally sick everytime you have to discuss your child with the teacher and there’s a different class to put your child in then maybe move him. But it’s nearly the end of term and only one term left. Do you want your child to have to leave their class with all their friends etc. you could always ask your kid what he wants to do. If the bf is turning up to see the teacher at school and it’s making your child feel uncomfortable then that’s not great for his learning is it
Contact the school and let the situation be known and put in writing a request that she doesn’t teach your children. And an expectation that it never should have been done for this child.
What a shit situation to put yourself and your child in, and yes, a teacher should disclose any personal relationship with a colleague or parent.
With the current child, you need to decide for yourself what’s least disruptive to them. Moving class now, with only one term to go, is pretty disruptive. It’s shit it comes down to you, but could you pull them through it by making sure they know it’s not an issue to you and you trust the teacher to be professional.
If you think they had an affair report it, that's really unprofessional of her.
I would definitely be having a meeting with the Principal or Deputy Principal. Let them know you would like you child moved from her class.
Your child is already being treated differently with you having to have another teacher present in interviews. You should have been told sooner. I am sure if must be absolutely devastating for your child to see her at school everyday, let alone be in the classroom with her every minute of the day
Good advice. I hope you can all heal from this abandonment with time. It is horrendous, how people can just walk out the door & not consider the children's emotions. Their is a silver lining up ahead for you all.
Good advice. I hope you can all heal from this abandonment with time. It is horrendous, how people can just walk out the door & not consider the children's emotions. Their is a silver lining up ahead for you all.