I’ve never had friends. My whole life, I’ve just never clicked with anyone. Not even mums from school that I try and talk to. I just don’t know why but it’s really depressing and heartbreaking. I’ve spent my whole life wondering why and what’s wrong with me! I’ve tried to be different to who I normally am and I’ve tried being myself. I’ve cried a lot!
Now my kids are going through the same thing. They don’t have friends and they don’t know why either. My youngest came home from school today and said, mum me and xxx are together every single day and we play together every single day and we even act the same but everyone really likes her and not me and I don’t know why. That was really sad to hear. I know all my kids are headed for the same path as me. But why?! I’m really depressed about not having any friends now but even more so when I think back about all my lonely days growing up, wondering what it is about me.
Why doesn’t anyone like us?
Why doesn’t anyone like us?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing, Kids
8 Replies
I don't know, but you're not alone.
I have had good friends over the years, but even then it's always been me chasing them or doing what they want, or I'm left standing alone.
A friend who treats me poorly & constantly cancels still has endless help with her kids & people making friends with her & I'm the one who will always turn up but am not included. We don't even get invited for bbqs anymore because they've moved 5 min further away so we're not useful looking after their house/pets while away, and they've made new friends (who drink) & we're no longer needed. Sadly I knew this day would come.
Other women seem to slot in. Even at my daughter's dance studio the other mums will say hello and chat briefly but then walk straight past & sit in a group because they all go to comps together.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm just not like others. I don't drink, don't have money to burn on endless activities and no longer do anything for others because I'm so sick of being taken advantage of. I do cry, too. I'm the friend who will never cancel, never bitch behind your back or leave you hanging. But it seems unless you're bright, cheery, beautiful and endlessly laughing you don't matter.
It's okay to not be like the others. Maybe you just have not found your people yet 🥰 I have two good friends, the rest are just people I know who always want something. I now tend to disappear often as I think of them as energy sappers. You keep being authentically you :)
I'll be honest but I've chosen not to make friends with a mum who doesn't drink. Not because she doesn't drink but because she goes on and on about it like she's a martyr for not drinking and it's annoying. Just because I like a glass or two of wine or a beer here and there doesn't make me a bad person and it doesn't make her a saint for not drinking alcohol.
Different commenter...My experience has been the opposite. I don't drink but absolutely never bring it up (almost ashamed of the fact) but the people who do drink, seem to try and push it on me. I don't care if they drink, I love them for who they are, not they're drinking status, so I just don't get why they feel the need to push me to do it. I'm not sitting in the corner like a wallflower, I'm always chatty and happy in the company of people, I just don't understand it.
What kind of society do we live in where this is such an issue?
That's a huge stereotype and proves my point.
I'm the one who write this comment (not the original poster). I don't care if people drink or not. I drink a wine occasionally myself. But, most alcohol now gives me migraines & I often have to drive & won't risk it. My husband has a medical condition triggered by alcohol. It annoys me sometimes as there's some lovely looking options I see others trying.
But, I've been excluded from a girls party boat weekend 'because I don't drink enough' (said to my face while they made plans). Current friends have stopped inviting us over because the husband is into sitting around drinking and my husband isn't & they've found new friends that do like drinking. My husband just drinks water. We're the friends that turn up, help, don't overstay, laugh and chat. Yet, we're excluded because of what we have in our glass.
So please stop judging based on our alcohol intake or anything else. The person you exclude might be someone worth knowing.
It seems if you're an Aussie and don't drink, you're looked upon unfavourably by others, like some kind of misfit.
The truth is most of us non-drinkers have drank in the past and have our reasons and don't judge others.
I would go as far as to say in Australia, you are judged more for not drinking...
I have been a non-drinker in the past and it was pushed on me. The old 'one won't hurt'. But I even noticed this with tea and coffee. At the time I purchased some non alcoholic wine so I still felt a part of the celebrations and would drink decaf and that seemed to help me feel a little more included. Right or wrong it's very much a part of our culture. I do see it shifting with more people choosing not to drink.
I now like a red wine but only socially and will not drink alone. I take friendships out of the equation but then I'm older and put in less effort now. They either like me or they don't and I no longer care lol.
I am a therapist and someone who has previous lived experience dealing with depression and anxiety. I can let you know that what we think about ourselves definitely has an impact on what we do and do not attract. Our children also reflect and model our behaviour.
I am going to take a guess that if you really reflect on the opportunities you create for yourself to interact and engage with others, that you may find they are actually limited? e.g. hobbies, sport. People who struggle with depression tend to isolate.
This is something a therapist can help with. Improving your self-esteem and confidence will change the way you think, feel and interact with others <3