My relationship of 20yrs has ended. It's bloody awful. How do I even begin to get through this? I'm lonely and scared and self esteem is the size of a pea right now.
It literally feels like my body has been sliced in two and I'm just bleeding out, it hurts so much.
Well meaning people have tried to cheer me up by saying 'don't worry you'll find someone again' and in my desperate hour I looked online to see what the dating pool is in your 40s and it was scary, men my own age and even into their 50s only want a woman 35 and under.
I'm so used to having a warm body and someone to at least talk to that I can't sleep, can't eat and we havent even got through the process of settlement yet.
How have you ladies found the strength to get up every day? Our children hate their father atm because of what he's done so I feel guilty if they see me grieving or missing him, because at times I hate him too, and then at times I'm so desperately sad.
Help please
How to begin to move on
How to begin to move on
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
6 Replies
Get a mental health care plan and referral to a psychologist from your GP. Do the same for your children as well if you need to. If you haven’t already, contact Centrelink to ensure you’re getting all payments you’re entitled to, making sure they are aware of care arrangements for the children if they are under 18. Also contact child support so that he financially supports any children under 18. Otherwise take things one day at a time. Do one thing every single day that is just for you, and tell your children that it is your time and they are not to disturb you. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s something you enjoy. Get a body pillow to snuggle up to in bed. Don’t think about finding someone new until you find the amazing, strong, independent woman you can be.
The idea of dating needs to be shelved for the time being. Toxic men prey on the vulnerability of recently single and hurting women - you do not need that in your life!
There's no shame in seeking some professional support. Relationship breakdowns are so bloody hard and the emotional fallout can be super overwhelming, especially when you've been with that person for so long and when there's children involved.
Getting some help to process all this will definitely help.
I also think you have to just take it day by day, some days will be better than others and that's okay. The important thing is to just keep going, even when you don't feel like it because it does get easier and I promise you will be okay Xx
Oh I could have written this, I just left a 20 yr toxic relationship and he is living with affair partner interstate and has gone no contact with me and the children. I too feel like a wrung out dishcloth used up and self with through the floor. Would love to feel beautiful and loved again too. I feel for you girlfriend and reach out to me if you like
What a jerk 😞 it does get better and you realise the other woman did you a favour in the end
I turned that hurt and loneliness towards ensuring I gave extra comfort to my kids.
So we had a sleep out in the loungeroom, lots of cuddles and I did not care if they needed to sleep in my bed. We planned activities together as our own new little family. So go to the park, pool, zoo or just days out. Pizza and movie nights, board games etc. I also made an effort to connect with a couple of other single mums who knew what I was going through.
It hit me hard but I needed to get back up for my kids and you need to too 💗 Please no man yet, you need to ensure you feel better about yourself and choose any new partner from a place of strength or you will end up with an ahole. I had a rule, no new partner for at least two years. I did eventually repartner and it was so worth waiting for. You've got this ((hugs))
Make your children the loves of your life, focus all your attention on them, they really need you. Seems silly that at this critical time you're focusing your time on strangers on the internet, the majority with major issues, unwilling to commit and just looking for sex and a temporary warm body like you are. Prioritise what's important, don't waste a nearly empty cup on somrthing that is not the solution. The answer is your kids, they're the solution and your reason to get up in the morning.