Hi ladies.
I’d love some insight into what other people think/do in relationships.
Back story - my partner has two children and I also have two, from past marriages. Been together 3yrs.
An issue that keeps coming up for him is my screen time, in particular my time on social media. Which is usually 13-16hrs per week. He asks to check my screen time every week. He is literally threatening to end our relationship over it. I think my down time should be spent however I like. I don’t check his ever.
He is much cleaner than I am and will have everything done every single day. In the beginning we had very different ideas on cleaning - he likes to vacuum every day and I’m more of a once or twice a week vacuum. We’ve come a long way with getting on the same page but if I miss something he blames it straight on my screen time.
I don’t really know my question other than knowing your thoughts… thank you.
6 Replies
I could not live like this as an adult. Treating you like you're a kid.
On another note, the more advanced technology gets the easier it is for people to control and stalk. Who you're ringing, messaging, what you're looking up, bank transactions, where you are and where you've been. Alot of these things need to be scaled back. It would be so hard to seek help in an abusive relationship with your every move monitored.
Are you saying he's monitoring her like she is a child? Or that she's acting like a child for having so much screen time when adulting tasks aren't completed? I'm genuinely not sure what your position is.
Side ite, you're both in the right and wrong. I personally am more like the OP. I couldn't handle this as I need downtime and I'm not always 'on'. I'd drive some people nuts though.
Im saying he's treating her like a child.
Thanks.
I think this is less about the screen time and more about your different household standards. I think the phone is getting the blame because his expectations aren't being met, which means you're not on the same page as much as you think you are!
This is an endless source of frustration in my own relationship - my partner and I have very different ideas of clean.
If I were ever to repartner, I think this would be a deal breaker for me too. Huge fundamental differences like this can be too hard to overcome and too disruptive to your inner peace.
In saying that, your screen time averages out to about 2 hours a day. My screen time was about the same at one point and I can say with total honesty that I was not fully present with my kids or partner during that period. If I wasn't on my phone/social media, my mind was still there. So I chose to really scale it back.
It might be something worth considering yourself.
Do you really want a partner who insists on monitoring you like a child for the rest of your life?
Relationships are about compromise and working as a team. He shouldn't be monitoring you like. There is a way to go about things and that isn't it. It's not healthy at all.
Have you ever spoken about a compromise on the cleaning? What is an acceptable amount you can both be content with? I don't think he is as content as you pretend he is with the level of cleanliness, otherwise you wouldn't be arguing about this.
To me, this dynamic screams unhealthy. You have never gotten on the same page.
Its time for a proper honest discussion about what you both can live with, other wise you are going to be monitored like a child the rest of your life,
It doesn't sound like you are very compatible.