How can I connect better with my teenage son?

I need help trying to connect and build a better relationship with my teenage son. He’s been acting out alot lately at school, at home and with friends. I know it’s my fault! To say I’m 100% stressed 100% of the time would be an understatement. I’ve got so much negativity going on all the time that I’m always cranky and snapping at him and regretting it after. He does so much stuff aswell that he shouldn’t be and it gets me so angry, and he lies about 90% of the things he is doing or does. Anyway, I want to be the best version of myself, so that my stress and anger is rubbing off on him. How do I remain calm and happy? For instance, when he’s lied about where he is, and turns off his phone so I can’t reach him, how do I not get so mad at him, but teach him why he can’t do it aswell.
And how can I do things with him when he doesn’t want to be seen with me in public? He is a very head strong defiant child.