I'm currently seperated from my husband. He says he desperately wants to get back with me and I have been half considering it lately, however today I had a friend suggestion on fb and it's one of his ex gfs, fb said we had a mutual friend and it is my husband.
The back story is he worked with this woman for a while, many years later him and I were living separately (still married and had 3 kids together) and he started a relationship with this woman, he says they never did anything physical (which I'm skeptical about) but they spoke on the phone everyday.
Him and I got back together and I was very uncomfortable with him keeping the 'friendship' with her. Over the next few years it was a constant sore spot with me and when I asked him to unfriendly her on fb he always refused but also claimed they had a 'connection'
It just felt like he was keeping her in the wings so to speak, and I don't know how much they interacted with each other but my intuition tells me there was something going on.
We fought over it many times and I eventually deleted her number from his phone and unfriended her on his Facebook (yes I realise that was the jealous wife coming out in me)
Just want to add that I'm not like with all women he is friends with - its just that one particular woman, because I knew he still had some kind of feelings for her. And I thought if I just deleted her then that problem would be solved.
That was about 7 years ago, and I find myself once again seperated from him and him telling me everyday he wants to be back with me but then I find they are fb friends again and I'm just livid. I'm not even angry with him so much, but angry at myself for finding myself in this situation again where I seem to act like a crazy, jealous woman.
I know we are seperated and he can do what he wants, but the fact that I feel like he's been playing me, while likely trying to rekindle some kind of relationship with her just makes me feel like a complete fool. Him and this woman seem to have something that they just can't let go of.
I feel devastated as I thought we maybe were heading down the right path to finally sort our stuff out (he has an addiction problem which he is finally getting help for) but I refuse to enter back into a relationship when I feel like I have to keep one eye on another woman.
Am I being completely crazy and irrational here? Should I tell him what I'm upset about? Or just tell him we are done?
5 Replies
You should talk to him. I accept invites all the time and then never interact with the person. It's been a long time. She might be happily married and he might not even talk to her.
Your gut is on point, separates then refriends her. You're not crazy or jealous, learn to trust your own instincts, they're there for a reason. Sending love x
Why are you saving space for this man if you can’t trust him and he has addiction issues.
Move forward! Not backwards
Go find peace and security!
Life is too short to dwell on what is or isn’t happening with an ex!
Sending love but know your worth lovely!!
Honestly? I went through this myself. My ex and I seperated briefly 2 years in and he went straight to two other women. We got back together eventually and while he didn't actively talk to one of them, the other had children to his best mate so she was always around. I spent over a decade and 4 kids later trying to accept he'd chosen me, but it's like they were always there waiting. I eventually left him and lo and behold, he was trying to sleep with both of them straight away. A part of me still suspects he had cheated while we're together, but after 6 years of being free off him (for the most part) I no longer care. I got myself checked for stds, and just accepted that he was never who I thought he was. I'm now in a loving, supportive relationship and it's come with so many triggers for me, but my partner is patient and kind and always more then willing to talk to me if I ever have any concerns, which I haven't. I honestly think you need to decide whether you can continue living like this. Always second guessing. He's clearly added her as a friend to stroke his ego, and honestly, you deserve so much better x Good luck Mumma x
Cmon, the fact that you asked him before to remove her says it all. He chose to keep in touch with her at the risk of upsetting and causing distrust in his marriage! Now he is friends with her again. He is choosing her!!!! Any decent person would NOT stay close to anyone who unsettled their partner as much.
TRUST YOUR GUT